Burlap Soul

I was just sitting here listening to my favorite public radio station and playing with the dog when the dj came in with a local news interruption.

Marge Schott has just died.

Considering all the fucked-up publicity this city has gotten as a result of that woman's actions over the past decade, I still don't know how to feel about this. I hate to laugh at someone else's death, because they have families and other people that still care about them and I don't want to be rude. But at the same time, I have to say that I just really don't feel much of anything at all.

Take from that what you will.

Some thoughts before bed tonight:

-- The cat fights around this house are driving me mad. If Guinness and Jekyll don't kill each other soon, I will kill both of them and call it a day. The water bottle can only do so much before I start to wish for something that holds gunpowder instead.

-- I forgot how funny Army of Darkness actually is. I love movies that can take campy to a whole new level. I hadn't seen it since high school and of course now I'm all 'Bruce Campbell is God, baby!' once again.

-- I've been on synthroid for nearly two weeks now and I have to say that I don't really feel any different. I know it may take a while to kick in and I'm trying not to get disillusioned, but it's hard. I just want to know when I'm going to stop feeling so damn tired.

-- Today is the one year anniversary of the day we got Gypsy. When we first brought her home, she was so rough around the edges. She had scratches on her ears from being lost and wandering through the woods during a very cold and dry winter, she was timid from being stuck in the shelter for a week, she was dirty, she was skinny from being a stray and she had no idea how to act around people. I think she thought we were just some nice people to hang out with. It took a long time before she relaxed enough to feel at home here. Now we're all inseparable. It seems so far away... yet I remember it like yesterday. It's amazing to see how much she's grown and matured in the course of a year, how seemlessly she fits into our lives. She's adapted perfectly. It's only been a year, but I'd say she's definitely come a long way.

Ironic that I should find this quiz while I'm trying to come up with a new layout. Not the color that I would've chosen for myself, but the description is spot-on. How do quizzes do that?

(Updated below...)

:::fuming fuming fuming:::

I really wish I had a better understanding of how to install newly updated versions of Movable Type or even just MT Blacklist. All I'm asking for is for 30 freaking minutes of downtime so that I can sit down and work on my damn website. My teeth are grinding right now from stress and of course I have to take a shower because I have class tonight. I feel like shit and I don't want to go, but it's methods and I can't miss it. I have boatloads of homework that's due tomorrow morning and there's a million things around this house that need to be done as well. Friday is going to be busy as hell because once again, everyone else wants something and there's no time left for doing the things that I want to do. My spring break is coming and still, it's all work and no play. I want to scream. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

And I cannot begin to tell you how much this shit is pissing me OFF!

** Yes, I have a temper. But remember, this is my place. Warts and all. You're free to leave anytime.

It's good to be home... Not Cincy home, but home home. Eastern Kentucky home. I'm visiting family for the weekend and de-stressing. J. is here and it's 3am and we are endlessly sucked into watching videos and anything else that's playing just because it's on my dad's unbelievable 60" television screen and is therefore twice as addictive as the best heroin.

It's Friday. It's officially spring break. My stomach is filled with pizza from my favorite hometown place. It's raining outside just enough to make me sleep for days. I'm watching old episodes of X-Files on a big screen tv.

Life is good.
Hope your weekend is going just as swell. ;-)

The next person that decides to be an asshole to me today will not live to tell about it and if they do, they will not have any teeth in order to tell their story.

That's all, really. Hope you're having a wonderful asshole-free Tuesday.

In response to Nicole's question here....

"Did you ever notice that certain music reminds you of certain people, places or times so very powerfully that it almost hurts?"

Oh yes. Music is the soundtrack of my most beautiful and most painful memories. In my archives, the radio is always on.

Here goes, in chronological order:

Like the new look? It's just to get you ready for one of my most beloved holidays...

My family is from the Isle of Man. Our family name is so Irish that we are the only ones in my hometown phone book. My hair is blonde. My eyes are green. My skin is pale and burns easily. My face becomes covered with freckles in the summer. My temper can scald like fire. My blood bleeds Irish... to the core.

Here's to you, my beautiful homeland. Someday I will drink from your gorgeous blue waters and kiss your majestic green shores. Until then, my own personal pint of stout Guinness will have to do:

Okay, I'm at school using a Mac and for some reason, only the actual blog entries have a green background. The entire site (except for the banner) is supposed to have that green background. Is anyone else having problems viewing this new design or is it just Macs? Let me know if you're getting anything weird, please... thanks. ;-)

And just for your St. Patrick's Day entertainment:

Work on your bleedin' Irish slang, already!

Cook up some of that sweet Irish bread that your Ma used to make.

Or if you're feeling really ambitious...

Take a trip to Ireland and tell them I said "Hiya!"

But most importantly: Relax and have some fekking Arthur's already! But don't be an arsehole and get yourself bulloxed, ya ape!

Holy fuck. I found this as Rasee's place and tried it. Damn. This could easily be something from my shrink's case file. Yes, it's that good.

Go ahead. I dare you.

Of course, that's only mine. If you want one of your own, just substitute your own information. Prepare to be amazed.

I don't really know what to say lately... to J., to family, to friends, to animals, to me, to professors, to anyone. Apparently J. is going through the same thing too. Life has just gotten really hard all of a sudden and there is no longer any emphasis on fun or talk or laughter. I think I just need to stay quiet for a while. I need to find a way to silence the rat-race in my mind. I need to get away from everything negative for a while. The memories are killing me lately. The stress is killing me lately, too. So many things that I want to say, so much chatter that goes on in my head, so much that I need to unload and share... but still, I cannot seem to hear my own voice, so how can I even begin to share if I can't even speak?

Basically I'm saying that it might be quiet around here for a bit. You understand.

Oh my god... This fucking breaks my heart. It's bad enough that some of these animals were most likely scared to death by their environment already, much less locked in and helpless when things started to go wrong. This made me so unbelievably sad and then I read this:

The shelter was built 12 years ago, Harrell said. The humane society has operated it since June 2003, Stallings said.
Only six animals have been euthanized since the humane society has operated it, Stallings said.

Six animals.. that's less than one animal a month for the past year. If you ask me, this place could have almost been classified as a no-kill shelter and to see something like this happen makes me want to cry.

Three of our six babies came from shelters that euthanized that many animals in a damn day. Hug your animals tight tonight... and then go support your local animal shelter in any way you can. Blankets, dog treats, cat litter, donating time, even adopting a pet. No matter how big or small the gesture, these people need all the help they can get and it means so much.

I may not have much to give at the moment, but you better believe that I will be sending something to this poor shelter as soon as payday comes... and you can too if you like, right over here.

May the colors of the Rainbow Bridge be beautifully vivid and brilliant tonight... and may only the most pleasant of memories have followed its new residents there.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to snuggle with my five wonderful cats and later I'll be training my wonderful dog. May the same peace, love and devotion be with all the animals of the world today.

Time passes
Worlds collide
Big losses
Troubles arise

Days lengthen
Sun teases
Resolves strengthen
Nothing pleases

Shutter clicks
Moments frozen
Images fade
Sun exposed them

Boxes piled
Only dreams
Truths and Lies
I'm in seams

All done. I know it's full of images and it may load slowly on some computers and that on Macs it may not even show up at all and I've tried to compensate for those things as best I can... but goddammit, I need spring and I need it now!

I may not be able to change the weather outside, but you better believe it's going to be spring in here. So smell the flowers, walk through the grass, feel the sunshine... let me know how it feels.

There's a new addition to the Memory Blog. If you don't have the location, email me and I'll most likely give it to you. It's a little one and it kind of makes me laugh really, looking at it now, but the little ones are the stepping stones to the big ones that need to come through later... so there you go.

I need another assignment/exam this week like I need a gaping hole in the head. So, naturally, when I'm supposed to be doing analyses and working on statistics and studying for Italian and Methods exams.. I've opted for a quiz instead. Really, what did you think was going to win? Duh.

The Multiple Intelligence Test (via Rasee):

I can't explain exactly why I haven't been writing much. I guess that the best way to say it is that I've been focusing more on the living of life rather than the dissection and telling of how life is supposed to be.
Yes, real-life demands get in the way sometimes, but really I just haven't had much to say. We have both undergone a metamorphosis of sorts lately... trying to be more positive about things without poking holes in every ray of sunshine. It's not that we are unable to think positively. It's more that I was trying to think positive thoughts and somehow the negative always crept in from all sides from everyone in real-life, dissected everything that I've held dear and debated it with me. Basically, I felt as though I had nothing but constant opposition throughout the month of February and mid-March. Now, though the opposition hasn't changed, we are learning how to handle it better without becoming those same jaded figures that taunt us with their constant negativity.

Allow me to simplify all of this jargon:
When everyone disagrees with you and everyone waits to pounce on your accomplishments and argue them to death and rip them to shreds, maybe it's best to just shut up, quit arguing and take away their ammunition. Capite?
So yes, that's what I did. I'm still doing it in a sense, but really, I just need to focus on school so that's my only excuse for not being here now.

If that all made sense to you, you must have the same nutjob thought patterns that I do and I really don't know what to tell you about that. If it didn't make sense to you, consider yourself blessed.
*sigh* Now, I'm off to do yet another Methods analysis. Excitement!

-- Spring Is Here!!!!
-- New layouts
-- More clarity on where we want to live, how to live, and how much we're willing to spend to live there
-- Busting ass in Methods assignments and working hard to get caught up
-- Doing my first full-blown Yoga session in over three months and really, really enjoying it
-- Realizing that breathing through everything actually works if you allow it to
-- A full fridge
-- Eating healthy
-- New yummy recipes
-- Progress on the never-ending 'floor refinishing project'
-- Having a comfortable computer setup again (no more sitting on the floor!)
-- Improved health (yes, the new medication is working :-)
-- Sleeping with an open window and a fan
-- Spring rainstorms
-- That feeling I get when I figure out Methods assignments, as though I could conquer the world
-- My wonderful sweetie.. that cleans, vacuums and does anything else he can so that I can focus only on studying
-- My beautiful red rose
-- Friday night church cruising :-P
-- Magnolia trees, how I love to love Magnolia trees
-- Daffodils
-- Sunshine
-- T-shirts
-- Sunglasses
-- Friends like Pasty that install car stereos free of charge and ask only for a good Chinese dinner in return
-- MT Blacklist = No More Spam :-D
-- The ever-so-patient J. that helps me install these crazy complicated widgets
-- Clearance Bin = Punch Drunk Love for $3 :-)
-- Dogs
-- Kitties
-- Open windows
-- Receiving more hugs and..
-- Learning to give them as well
-- Kisses in the 'hidden' aisle of the grocery store
-- Cutting out the crap and letting the sun shine in
-- Them
-- Him
-- You (yes, you)
-- Me
-- Spring :-)

So happy birthday to ya!! A big happy birthday to my wonderful friend Nicole!! May you have the most glorious year ahead and may all of your dreams come true!
Twenty-five is nothing, babe... it's just the stepping stone before you really get to start movin' and shakin'! :-)

Big, big hugs for you, beautiful! It's going to be an ecstatic year.. I just know it!

Oh, and this is for you...