Burlap Soul

This morning, I am babysitting my mom's miniature chihuahua until she gets off work. I can't tell you how unbelievably neurotic and insane this dog is. I swear to you, she doesn't even pee unless either my mom or me is there to tell her she can do it. No one else. She won't let them touch her. Which is why I'm always the one left babysitting her when my mom has to be somewhere after work. She's ten years old and you'd think she was a freshly born chicken for as much as she bobs and darts around. Currently, she's lightly sleeping on my foot in between constant trips to the sliding glass door to look for mom's car. I think it's her sheer size and neuroses level alone that makes Gypsy love to torture her so.

You know those people that drink 6 espressos a day, smoke 30 cigarettes before noon and check their watch every 5 minutes? Yeah, that's Tiny. Which is ironic because I had a puppy from the same litter she came from and he was wayyyy cooler, so I know it's not just the chihuahua thing. (I never know how to phrase that properly.. It always comes out like 'I had her brother' and then everyone just looks at me like I'm an idiot.) You get the point.

Is my mom here yet?

Anyway... while I'm killing time here, let me get to your questions!

[Note: I'm just going to keep updating this post with the new answers. So keep reading for fresh updates. And ask already! It doesn't hurt. I swear.]

In lieu of any real posting and because I have 157 things to do and papers to type before next Thursday, I give you this instead.

Friday's Feast:

Appetizer
Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood.
Hmmm... so many to choose from. I know that I really liked Colorforms, but I usually just asked for books. My absolute favorite toy when I was a kid were my Sweet Pickles books. I'm not going to go into it here, because it becomes a rather painful memory, but I will tell you that they were very near and dear to my heart - to this day even. I miss them so.

Soup
If you could make one thing in the world absolutely free for everyone, what would it be?
Parking. Or air for your tires. I can't believe that people actually charge money for these things. It's always irritated me.

Salad
Approximately how many times per day do you think about your significant other?
Hmmm.. hard to say. Lots.

Main Course
Name something you believe in 100%.
Karma.

Dessert
List 3 things you did this year that you would consider a "good deed."
1 - Boomer and all the things that came with him. You wouldn't believe how much we still miss him and wish he were still here with us.
2 - Letting go of the voices. It was damaging to everything around me and it was time for that to stop, so I did.
3 - Hmmm. I guess I can't think of anything else.

I don't know. I always feel so weird naming my own good deeds. I'm too hard on myself to sit back and praise myself. It just seems so vain. Even with Boomer, I only think of my 'good deed' being the way he would look at me when I would sit on the back step and pat his head. I'll never forget how thankful he was for that. But to say that he was my good deed, I just can't. I would rather thank him than myself. I don't think of him as a good deed as much as something that anyone else in my shoes would have done, but I do think he was really good at tapping into the good in me.

And with that, I'm off to the library to do yet more research for yet another project and 1500 more papers that are all due next week. *sigh* Hope your weekend is much more fun than mine will be.

Because I have had a shitty day and am very close to having a migraine as a result:

Things that are pissing me off this week:

-- Having professors that just assume you can run out and buy a $50 flash drive just to suit their tastes and then they roll their eyes and huff and puff when you decide to use floppy disks instead

-- Professors that require you to do a commercial as a final project, but don't tell you where to get a fucking camcorder and act as if you are an alien when you say you don't know anyone that has one you can borrow

-- Having to spend nearly $40 on a rented handheld camcorder for said project and then discovering that the camera rental place is a fucking sham and has not only given you a camera that doesn't work unless it's plugged into the wall, but also neglected to tell you how to turn the damn thing on and that oh yeah, it doesn't take regular sized tapes that you can buy at a regular store, it takes special tapes that only they sell for another $10

-- Professors that consistently tell you they want feedback and ask you about how to better the exams because everyone in the class has D's and F's and then when you have full hour-long feedback sessions about how insanely long, difficult and trick-questioned the exams are, the same professor just stands there looking at all of you and says, "Well, I don't know what to tell you. It's ridiculous that you don't know the answers. I'm not changing anything and I don't think it's necessary to use a curve. Better luck next time."

-- When the same fucking professor mentioned above gives us exams from hell, the homework of a graduate level class and a grading scale that is flunking us all but then in the end, decides to weight half of our semester grade on the most ridiculous final project ever: A 13-page typed in-depth analysis of Willy Fucking Wonka's Chocolate Factory (from the damn movie), written in APA style with a minimum of 10 journal article references and data, statistics and graphs to back up our 'professional findings' and makes the entire goddamn thing worth 250 fucking points.

-- People that decide it's okay to be a Royal get-the-fuck-out-of-my-way Dick because it's Christmas and you were in their precious way while you were looking at (oh-horror-of-horrors!) dog toys.

-- People that bring their insanely out-of-control hyperactive overly aggressive dog to the dog park and then sit back, laugh and watch when it pins down your dog, bites her ears until they bleed and makes her scream and yelp in fear and pain and then wonder why you wheel around and look at them so pissed when, as you are dragging your scared-shitless dog out of the park just to get away from them, they turn to you and say, "It's so cute how he plays, isn't it? He gets so excited here!"

-- People that rant about how it's insane for me to buy overpriced organic dog food for my dog and then tell me how much they spent on a wool coat for their chow-chow

-- People that don't put price tags on any of the items in their store and then act like I am such a fucking clueless burden for asking, "Can you tell me how much this is?"

-- People that think it's perfectly okay to tell you exactly how to run your life when they would fall over dead from shock if you even remotely hinted at how to run theirs

I'm sure I'll think of more of these as the next two weeks progress onward. I have a shitload of schoolwork to focus on this week and then a week of finals after that. My posting may be light, but rest assured that my Piss-Off Meter will be off the charts. Send me good motivation vibes... or a handgun. Whichever.

Observations and Random Thoughts after an insanely chaotic and exhausting day:

-- Sneezing onto your computer is about one step more annoying than sneezing while driving. Not only do you have to wipe off every little drop on the monitor (with your sleeve, let's be honest here) but you will be randomly typing something later and discover that there was one last little drop left on the letter "Y." Lovely.

-- My family back home is making me so crazy lately, I've actually been looking more forward to driving 10 hours north to see J.'s family in Michigan this year than having to hang out with my own. However, over the last two years, his sister has undergone this radical religious transformation. Born again, raising money for the church, telling everyone else about it every chance she gets, sending everyone gospel cds and calendars with biblical verses for the holidays. Though I am not a very religious person myself, I understand that this is important to her and we have both been respectable the entire time. Then, as J. is discussing Christmas plans with her on the phone yesterday, his jaw drops, his eyes grow wide and he turns to me and mouths quietly, "She's trying to convert Jews."
Oh, pack up the car and get on the road, kiddies! Fun awaits! Wheeeee!

-- I love J. even more today for this one very special reason: Today marks the start of the bi-annual Get-The-Hell-Through-Finals-Weeks, and I came home near tears because I always feel so fucking out of place in the Psychology department anymore and had been thinking entirely too much during the 7 minute commute to the condo from school. Then, as J. is laboring intensely to help me work on a commercial project for Consumer Psych, I approach him sheepishly with this:
Me: "Let's say I have a really radical idea."
J: "Um... [slight look of panic] ... okay. What?"
Me: "What would you say if I said I wanted to spend another year in school so that I could flip everything around and graduate with a degree in Photography instead?"
At this point, I begin crying and collapse onto the couch, overwhelmed by how utterly delirious I sound.
J: [half laughing while hugging me] "Well... Is that what you want? Is that what would make you happy?"
Me: "Well.. When I'm in the psychology wing, I feel so stupid and out of place. When I'm in the art building, I feel like I'm home."
J: "Well then, sweetie, I would say that would be great and you should go for it."
Allow me to reiterate again just how much he rocks.

-- Understanding that these notions of mine are not without faults and require lots of thought, I realize that I am not just going to throw away everything I have worked so hard for. I am also realizing that having two Bachelors degrees in different fields might also be way cooler than switching everything around at the last minute. Also, it would sure as hell shut my family up, wouldn't it? ;-)

And that's my Monday in a nutshell. The rest of this week will be devoted to my oh-so-inane Willy Wonka paper, mind-numbing statistical makeup work, and lastly a photography project that I can't wait to get started on. I'll be keeping my head down and plowing through the days like they are hurdles in the path of a very slow-moving and sleep-deprived steamroller.

Just be sure and let me know when it's time to sell back my books, ok? That part's gonna rock.

I haven't been up at 7am in forever. My kingdom for a full night of restful sleep.

Isn't finishing a major commercial project and getting your Monday finished supposed to be a relaxing thing? So why am I unable to rest even on Tuesday morning?

Perhaps it's because no one laughed at a commercial I thought everyone would laugh with. Perhaps it's because all I can see in my head is me standing in front of the class trying to explain my commercial's use of humor and animals and everyone giving me sideways glances. Perhaps it's because every time I try to do yet another psychology project, I feel like a complete outsider and a loser because I just don't seem to be the same Go-Psychology-Go student that the other majors are. I guess it really just annoys me that no one else feels the same way about my work that I do and that I don't feel the same about psychology the way they do. I keep telling myself, 'It's over, it's over, it's over. You did it against all odds and even though people didn't jump for joy or laugh out loud, you did it dammit and that's all that matters. It's turned in on time and completely finished. Nothing else to do in this class except for the final and then you're done. You did it!' But it's not working. The crunch of time is so high lately and my motivation level is so low, that I think it's messing with my confidence level and ability to think about myself as anything other than 'constantly behind' - in everything.

Put me in a photo class though and I'll be so confident and happy you wouldn't even know I was stressed and tired. You couldn't pay me enough money to give a damn about what people think of my art.

This is my brain at 7am. It's a miracle I can even type a complete sentence, as exhausted and insanely delirious as I am right now. I am sooo not a morning person. Eh, fuck it. I'm going back to bed.

It's amazing the sudden things you find to do when you're procrastinating your ass off. Case in point. I've spent the last hour doing way too much over here. Then, when that didn't satisfy my massive avoidance needs, Jekyll and I decided it was time to photograph ourselves in a snowman candleholder. Then Gypsy and I were talking and we decided it had been way too long since I had posted some gratuitous beagle shots - so we fixed that right up.

Now if you'll excuse me, it seems I have 157 papers to write and tons of work to do. And considering that I'm starting to get pissed at myself about it, I'm thinking that's the sign of a good fuel source and I'd better use it. Habit says that I've always done my best work after 10pm anyway, so really you could say that I was just waiting until nightfall.

Yeah, that's it. Riiiiight.

I finished the Wonka paper! I finished the Wonka paper! Hee hee hee heeeeeee!!!!!!

Now I just have to turn it in in about 10 minutes and then I can get started on a photo presentation power point that's due later tonight. I cannot wait until finals are over. I desperately need some sleep and lots of rest.

But I finished the stupid Wonka paper from Hell!! Yippeeee!

I was going to come here and blog about how my Week from Hell is over and all that's left to do is makeup work for statistics and then three finals next week, but that the major brunt of my work is over and how I thought I would be so excited at the end of this day, but then I sat down here and my body just realized that I have been up and typing and staring at a computer screen and reading data and research and powerpoint slides and more research since 3am this morning and really for the three days before that and how the way I'm crashing right now isn't like the way I usually crash and I'm so delirious now that all I can really think to say to you is "uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Oh, and Happy Chanukah. I did remember that part.

Ahhhh... the weekend. Our last real weekend of peace until after the new year. Wow.

So after my hell week of assignments and projects was over on Thursday night, I went to bed early and slept in on Friday until nearly 1pm. Yeah, 1. pm. I was that freakin' tired. But then Saturday came and we dug out our holiday decorations, jazzy holiday cds, and got our Christmas on.

The best part was hanging out in Fountain Square downtown and taking our picture in front of all the massively lit trees while watching ice skaters in the middle of the square. And the kick-ass train set! Oh my god! There was this gigantic train set in Cinergy's front window with villages, trees, tiny people, a dusting of snow, everything you could imagine - and it took up half a city block! It was amazing! Rock the fuck on!

My grandfather has been a train enthusiast since wayyyy back, so every time I see an awesome train set, I have to take tons of photos and email them to him. Train sets are too cool.

Also, we took our Christmas Card photo. Normally, we don't do that with holiday cards, but this year we decided to get twisted. If you want to see, head over to the photolog for a special holiday treat - Staz Style.

Granted, I have a week of finals ahead, but this weekend was just what I needed to regroup and revitalize my tired mind. I've never been a religious person, so the holidays are always kind of confusing for me. But for the past few years, I've been getting into the "magic" of it all and it makes me feel hopeful, like I'm a kid again. I like it.

Hope your weekend was just as wonderful. :-)

Hee hee! Look! We got our first snowfall today!

Hee hee! Look what I did on J.'s blog! Just so you'll get the joke, that lake is a frozen lake that isn't far from where he grew up in Michigan. Therefore, frozen lakes = Michigan = home.

Don't ask me why, but I've really been getting into layouts and designs this year. Trying to figure out how to make nicer banners and whatnot. I am somewhat restricted as I have a prehistoric computer and only a 800 x 600 monitor. So everything doesn't always look right on larger monitors and flat screens. Currently, I'm jealous of my photolog design. I kind of wish I'd thought to use it over here. Is it difficult to implement skins? Does it take up too much space? Where are some good places to find out about these things? Anyone?

Next semester, I'll be learning how to work with photoshop, as I am taking digital photography. Hee hee. Sweet! This should get much more fun.

Am I the only person that thinks this image looks incredibly wrong somehow?

Must get myself off the Blog Pipe. Must get myself off the Blog Pipe.

I know you're brain is mush, but it's just one more final. ONE MORE. and then you're like, totally fucking done! Like, dude!

Put down the blog. We can talk about this. Just logout and click that handsome little X in the corner, mmmkay? Pick up your photo history book, do your studying and then you can even sell your book back before the exam starts! How kick ass would that be? To just walk into that exam full of knowledge and cash. Oh.. the sweetness.

Stop the blog! Go! Now! You can do it! Last fucking final!

Hey! Ho! Let's go!!!! Go go go go go goooooo!

pssst! hey! guess what?

Today, we have a new dilemma. J. had a second interview with a very cool automation company in Ohio last Saturday. They really liked him and told him to expect an offer within a few days. Yesterday, we received the offer.

Now, understand that even though he has to travel over an hour every day to get to work (one way) in central KY and that even though they pay him crap and we can barely keep our utilities on as a result, he still really likes his job. For the first time since he's been in Cincinnati, there are people that look up to him and respect his opinion when he walks into the plant everyday. However, those same people that respect and appreciate his input are in the same boat that he is. They like their job, but after years of effort and time put into this place, the company cannot afford to give them raises or bonuses or anything of the sort so no one gets anything. The base pay rate that J. is making is about $10,000 less than everyone else in this area. Hence the reason that we are constantly so broke.

I know that when I graduate in May, I will be making extra money, but extra money isn't really our problem. It's having enough money to pay the bills in the first place. This past year, we've had our internet and phone turned off so many times, I've lost count. We literally scrounge for pennies and quarters so J. can get to work every day (which with such a long commute, that's a lot of gas every week). We've stopped using our bank account because we can no longer keep a positive balance, if a balance at all. We've gone without so much over the years, that we're just sick of it. Last year we couldn't exchange a single Christmas gift and this year, we still won't know if that's possible until his New Year's paycheck. We've been paying our rent in bi-weekly installments for years, because we can't afford to both pay the full rent and eat in the same pay period. We want dinners out and we want to be able to have fun every now and then without having to plan for it months in advance so that maybe we'll have the money to maybe eat out in 3 weeks - if we're lucky. Being broke all the time just fucking gets old, ya know?

So when J. got this interview and then a 2nd interview, we knew something was coming. The job market is so horrible for engineers here in Cincy that the mere presentation of an offer is a big damn deal. We knew that it would be for more money - it had to be compared to his current place. We expected like a $10-grand difference.. but nope. It's about $6,000 more. Understand that we are not trying to be greedy, but that we are just tired of living paycheck to paycheck (and that's on a really good 2 weeks). J. has been an engineer long enough that he wants something good, something where he gets paid what he's worth and something where he gets the respect he deserves after nearly a decade of engineering experience. He's also got his EIT and wants to try and further it by getting his PE, a certification that depends on the the people he works with.

So now we don't know what to do. Do we turn down the only damn job offer that's offered any real money in years for the sake of respect, longevity and pride? Or do we take the offer and then get burned when he has to start all over again in a new company with new people only to be making maybe an extra 2 or 3 hundred dollars more per month? An extra 2 or 3 hundred dollars that becomes crucial when you currently have squat.

I told him not to ask me what to do about this. I've never had a job that didn't require a uniform and standing on my feet too much for crappy hourly pay. I don't understand enough about 401Ks and holiday bonuses and vacation time to really have any sort of informed opinion about this. (However, having worked in pharmacy, I understand all too well the importance of good benenfits.)

The problem with having so much of this to process in the middle of our holiday insanity and traveling rush? The deadline for the offer is December 23rd. Next Thursday. We can't take our time on this.

So to maybe help summarize this a little better, I'm including a list of all the things that each job entails - both good and bad. Read and give us your input - please. We're really stuck and we have no clue about what to do. We'll be talking to lots of different people over the course of the next week, but it's still a hard decision. We keep coming back and circling the same conversation:

me: [eating spaghetti - again] Sweetie, this sucks. I'm so sick of living like this.
him: I know, I know... but everyone says hi to me in the morning and they all really like me and respect me and I feel important there. I'm so sick of starting over and changing jobs. This is the longest job I've had without a layoff in the past 4 years that we've lived here.
me: I know, but what difference does all that respect and commitment mean if you can't pay your bills?
him: I know... Respect doesn't pay the bills. I don't know what to do.
us: *sigh*

You get the point. Here's the list:

Some of you may remember my horrible past with needles. But let me just say that after nearly a year of trying and either being unable to get it done or just flat-out hyperventilating when the time finally came, I finally did it again. :-)

Granted, it took a double dose of Ativan and nearly 2 hours of awesome nurses coaxing me, but it's done, baby! No more needles for another 6 months. Woohoo!
There's another longer entry about this over at the photolog too with more evidence if you like. Heeeee! :-D

To this day, I still struggle with our decision to put Boomer down last August. I think to myself, "Could I have done more? Were we just being selfish? Could he have really been fixed and we just didn't have the money and time to try? Did I do the right thing at all?"

Then I see things like this. Seventeen pounds in 2 weeks? We fed Boomer nearly 6-7 meals of high protein, high fat puppy food a day for almost 3 weeks and after all of that, he'd only gained 1/10th of a pound. One-tenth. I know now that I did the right thing. I know that my role in his life was to help him into the Great Divide with love and gentleness and that was it. My conflict lies in the fact that even though I was only supposed to play a small part, I wanted to be his main character. I wanted to be the one that would keep him here and apparently that was never my role in the first place. Hell, I had so much hope for him that I almost named him Lazarus. How tragically ironic would that have been?

It's hard to watch an animal go through such misery and pain and still be unable to save them. This weekend, I actually had the demented thought of buying a stocking for him and hanging it with the others. Loss and I have never really gotten along that well.

Knowing that he loved my attention and loved to be held and nuzzled by me helps me to understand that I was a bright spot in his life. I understand that the mere presence of our love and dedication to him was enough to make him happy. I understand that it wasn't about food and pounds and nutrients and health. Yeah, I get all of these things. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him so damn much.

Sex does not change over time. I'm learning that now. For the most part, sex in and of itself remains the same. It's very allure is in its consistency - no matter what fantasy you might have, sex is still just sex when all is said and done. The act itself is what it is. No matter how you do it, there's still a basic process. Positions change. Motivations change. Methods change. Sex does not.

However, sexiness does change over time. It comes from a different place within you at every phase of your life, every changing mood, every changing minute, every changing day. At least that's the way it is with me. My motivations for wanting it are different every time. There's a part of me that's dominating vixen, wildly seductive lover, pre-pubescent girl, overly bored housewife, metaphysical entity, snuggly comfort lover... You name it, I've had the mood at least once in my life.

The strange thing is that now I'm starting to realize that there are so many roles like these that take the place of just being comfortable within myself. This wasn't always the case. I look back on my life and remember how I was with previous men. I follow my sexual timeline in my head and see a strange pattern.

I could sit here and write about all the daily things we've done lately and what I got everybody for Christmas and my resolutions and goals for the year ahead.

I could sit here and write about our plans for New Year's and going to Detroit for a big party and my reflections on being with someone for a 5 year anniversary.

I could sit here and write about the fact that despite all of my holiday cheer and effort to decorate and keep my spirits up, my usual small bout of holiday depression is starting and for the life of me, I cannot figure out why.

So we got hammered with massive nasty frozen snow like the rest of the east coast it seems. Last night on our way to exchange gifts at my mom's, we drove white-knuckled on the highway and watched a car do a 360-spin in front of us. We took overnight bags and just stayed after we arrived. This is not friendly snow. It's a giant Icy Oreo. Ice on the bottom, ice on the top, snow in the middle. Nasty, nasty stuff. We came home today though and have enjoyed sitting around in our pj's and snuggling by the fire.

Aside from all that, we have Christmas travel plans coming out of our asses. Tomorrow we leave for Eastern Kentucky to see my family, then we drive back here to Cincy on Christmas Day. Sunday, we drop Gypsy off at the kennel and head for Northern Michigan (because J.'s family just thinks dogs are "ew" and have made it very clear that she is not welcome - it's beyond reasonable, considering that they've all had dogs for years, but.. oh nevermind - my blood pressure's rising just thinking about it). Then we come back to Cincy for about 2 days (to pick up Gypsy and collect ourselves) and then head back to Michigan - Detroit - for a New Year's Eve party. Believe it or not, I'm just eager to get the Christmas stuff over with this year so that we can enjoy ourselves at the party and have an anniversary with our dog and without our family stresses. ;-) Oh, and did I mention that somewhere in all the New Year's insanity, we'll just then be buying gifts for each other so that we can finally have our own Christmas? Insane, I tell you!

There have been bright spots thus far. Last night, one of the big items on my Christmas list was fulfilled by my mom - a sewing machine. Rock! I come from a family of seamstresses, so it's always annoyed me that everyone else can just whip up their own curtains for so cheap and I can't. That changes now, dammit. Oh yes. Also I got this wonderful silky pastel-blue set of pajamas that's just so damn comfortable I never want to take them off - though J. had no problem with that. Isn't that what snow days are for? ;-)

Tonight, I've done nothing but wrap presents and burn about 6 mix cds for our travels. One of them is titled "Dysfunctional Family Christmas" and contains songs that would make a sailor blush. I have a feeling that by the time we are done, we will need that cd very bad. I should also note that because of all the holiday insanity, some of you might be getting your holiday cards late. Not only has our postman stopped fighting the snow to get to our doorstep, but my brain has stopped fighting the scatteredness and chaos has won. You understand.

So if I'm scarce around here for the next week, you know why. Good tidings to all of you celebrating the holidays and travel safe! Feliz Navidad! ;-)

*Also, as a sidenote... If you need to reach me over the holidays, use this email instead. I can't check the stazATburlapsoulDOTorg unless I am at the home computer. We're off! Happy Holidays!

We're home! Three hours to Eastern Kentucky for a night, back to Cincy for a night, and then 10 hours to Northern Michigan for 3 days and then 10 hours home again today.. Can you believe it? We're home!!

We might still be driving to Detroit for a New Year's party, but that depends on the way our car was acting up on the way home. It seems to need rest as well - and maybe some TLC. Gypsy even emerged from the kennel a little dazed and confused, but she is otherwise okay. Soooo much better than the previous kennel we took her to when we went to Manhattan last year. She actually seemed happy and excited to be at this place rather than underfed, under-exercised and scared shitless like she was at that other hellhole. Of course, now she's exhausted and sacked out at my feet. Ahhhhh... to be home.

On a sidenote, I am so glad to know that Rasee is okay... but it is still so incredibly upsetting to watch the news and see so much devastation in a single area in a single day. Numbers that I just cannot fathom. Donate your time, your money or even just your prayers and good wishes. There are so many that need them today.

I suppose I shouldn't be up right now. Tomorrow morning we rise bright and early to get some errands done and then head to Detroit for a New Year's party - health willing. You see, our car is acting up and even though we might be able to fix it mostly tomorrow morning, it's still messed up a bit and we're afraid that we're going to end up stranded and stuck on the highway somewhere in the middle of Ohio. Also, J. is battling a nasty-ass cold and can barely breathe. Also, Mercury is retrograde. You see the illness that is going around.

It just kind of sucks is all. Our 5-year anniversary - the only anniversary where we've been able to actually go out at all in the past 3 years - and J. catches a bad cold while our car acts up. It all just seems very ominous and I'm worried that something is going to backfire and ruin our much-anticipated party plans. I guess I am just asking for some good wishes on our part. Good travel vibes, prayers and love from the universe. Please, please, please let us make our destination safely and happily. Let us finally have an anniversary where we enjoy ourselves and have a blast. That would rock... really.

Oh, and Happy New Year! May that rock as well. :-)