Burlap Soul

cc: Pissy Planets

Dear Mercury,

Think you could get the fuck out of retrograde and quit messing up every plan I've made in the past 30 days? Otherwise, I will get medieval on your ass, big scary ball-of-fire planet or not. Remember, I am ruled by the Sun and the Sun is way bigger than you, so bite me.

So little planet, think you could stop living in the past and move your ass?

That'd be great. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Staz

Killing Time.. and vice versa

God.. it's so much easier to just sit here on this thing than it is to get up off of my ass and do something productive.

*sigh* Click the X, Staz. Just click the X.

More answers than you ever really wanted

I'm in a bit of a mopey mood today because of some setbacks and disappointments regarding real-life plans... so allow me to sit here and answer the questions that were posed during the last entry:

Kat asks about my new plans regarding what I want to do with my life.

Concerning my life's plan, I try not to make one. For a long time, I thought theatre and art were my do-or-die options and I've paid dearly for those decisions. Now, instead of throwing all of my eggs in one basket, I've learned to plan for the right away and the near future and let the rest work itself out. I've learned enough about life to know that there is a definite ebb and a flow to it and that if you set yourself up to have a definite do-or-die plan, then you are quickly headed for a major ulcer and loads of heartache. Life does not always work out like you had planned, so instead just do your planning in steps and learn to roll with the punches as they come. In short: it pays to be a flexible quick thinker. I've also learned that if you pass up on the things you thought you were destined to do, it's not the end of the world. If you're destined to do it, then it will come back and find you. Trust me on this.

As far as my personal plan, I intend on finishing my last year of college, graduating in May with my degree in Psychology and then heading to the east coast (or maybe the Carolinas) and starting my 'working girl life' close to the ocean and a bigger city with more opportunities and jobs. Also, if we can start to swing it financially, I'm planning on starting a year-long correspondence course soon that ends in a month-long internship mentoring under someone in my local area. After this training/internship, I would be a Certified Dog Trainer and I would also be licensed to run my own dog-training business. With an undergrad degree in Psych and a dog-training certification, I could then get my foot in the door with various Pet Therapy programs, working with abused/challenged children and pets and also making good money on the side as a professional trainer. This way, I can get on with my life and no longer have to endure school and academia - Just because I don't have a master's degree doesn't mean that I can't still help people and be successful at the same time. I am determined to prove this. Also, the pet therapy option gives me all the necessary subjects to pursue my ultimate dream of animal photograhy and selling my animal prints to the public.
I've learned that focusing on only animals or people is what's been making me feel stifled careerwise. In truth, I've really always been fascinated by ethology - the study of the relationship between humans and animals.

Want to see more questions? Keep reading...

Nikki asks these questions:

1. Have you ever thought of being a freelance writer?
You can read my answer to that one here.

2. How did you and J. meet?
We met online at a site that no longer exists. He found my profile (because every box I checked, he was not... so we weren't listed as compatible at all. ;-) and then he sent me an email only 2 days after I'd posted my profile on Dec 9th, 1999. (yes, actually, 9 has always been a lucky number to me.) We started talking on the phone a week or two later and then we finally decided to meet and have our first date on Y2K. He drove 5 hours from Detroit to come and meet me and stayed with me at my apartment all weekend. We had a wonderful time and though the next few months were full of turmoil (I was being stalked by my ex and wasn't in the best mental health), he stuck by me and continued to impress me with his generosity and thoughtfulness. Six months later to the day on May 9th, I moved to stay with him for my summer break in Detroit. Needless to say, I never went back to school in the fall and we've been together ever since. (Though I am back at school now and doing well - thanks in a large part to him.)

3. Where do you find your creative inspiration?
Creative inspiration finds me really. If I see something I like, I take a picture. If something comes to me, I never ever brush it away. I will stop right where I am and think it through until I feel better about it or at least until I've written down whatever thoughts and fragments are coming into my mind. But mostly though, my inspiration comes from my own crazy analytical nature. I like to figure out life's mysteries and analyze the process of living life - the relationships we form and how they change shape over time. That's some of the most inspiring and fascinating stuff to me.

4. I need a vacation. What's the cheapest place you've been that was still relaxing?
Find a state park with a lake and maybe some cheap cabins you can rent. Take your dog. Take your journal. Lose your watch. Let the sun show you what time it is and let the moon tell you what time to fall asleep. Don't make an itinerary. The best vacations are ones that set you free.

400 entries and 20 questions

Hey look! This is my 400th entry! Woohoo!

So maybe it's not really a big deal, but it sounds impressive, yes?

Okay, so here's the deal. My brain is so unbelievably scattered lately that I have no idea how to begin a coherent entry or write anything of any substance. Yeah, we just went through this major life change and moved to a different state and I'm starting my last year of college and we're planning a vacation to Rhode Island/Boston on September 10th and I'll get to meet all sorts of awesome blogger friends while I'm there and I have all these new plans about what I want to do with my life and I've made all of these radical pro-animal-rights decisions lately that have changed the way I live and I'm thinking up some really wild and wonderful ways of decorating this great new space that we live in and we released one of our beloved kitties to my mom's place in the country only two weeks before we had to say goodbye to another beloved furry friend under sadder circumstances and now we're all here and we've had this crazy summer and all... BUT...

I have absolutely no idea how to tell you all of this. It's a massively jumbled chaotic mess and I have no idea where to begin.

This is where you come in.

Ask me anything. Anything you want to know. Anything at all. I'll answer it in the comments if it's a short answer and if it's not, then you'll see it in an entry. Anything you want to know about me, J., our lives, the move, our summer, the meaning of life, how to get cat piss out of carpet, whatever, you name it.

I need to write, but I have no idea where to begin. So you tell me. Whatever you want to know. Bring it on. Let's go...

My brain's too tired for a title

It seems that when I have the time to sit down and write, my brain is finally empty and the words don't come. It also seems that every time I sit down here full of words, there is no time to spit them out properly. I cannot believe that school has already started. I don't feel like I ever got a break.

Meme and Congrats

Because I have no words lately and too many actions to keep my brain busy, it's a meme night. But before I begin, I just want to say Congrats to Sporty and her meester. Best wishes to you both! :-)

Now, on with the memes!

First, an oldie but a goodie....

last cigarette: never
last car ride: coming home from the dog park with Gypsy
last kiss: my morning kiss from J. before he leaves for work
last good cry: I honestly can't remember, probably the night I had a nervous breakdown from stress and from thinking about Boomer
last library book checked out: December 6 by Martin Cruz Smith (for J.)
last movie seen: Chasing Amy
last book read: Still re-reading Fellowship of the Ring
last cuss word uttered: Shit
last beverage drank: Raspberry Iced Tea
last food consumed: Bean burrito and nachos w/cheese from Taco Bell
last phone call: J. about 45 minutes ago
last tv show watched: E! True Hollywood Story on teen divas (I needed something to watch while I ate)
last time showered: This morning
last shoes worn: My sandals today
last cd played: A random cd of mp3s!! (we got our DVD player hooked up and I can listen to all of my mp3s now! :-)
last item bought: lunch at Taco Bell
last annoyance: Gypsy barking at every little new noise in the condo complex
last disappointment: Being unable to get fully registered for my classes today
last soda drank: Mt. Dew Orange Rush or something like that
last thing written: A waiver for signing into a closed class
last key used: Condo key
last words spoken: Hush!
last sleep: This morning
last im: Damned if I know.. I never im anymore
last sexual fantasy: Maybe Saturday night? Though they quickly become realities, so there you go.
last weird encounter: Tracking down a professor for a signature and basically stalking him throughout the entire psychology department office
last ice cream eaten: Can't remember - oh wait, a milkshake about a week ago
last time amused: Watching tv last night
last time wanting to die: Age 15 and briefly at age 25 while attending UCincy
last time in love: currently :-)
last time hugged: Before bed last night when I was cold
last time scolded: Probably by my dad on the phone over the weekend
last time resentful: Any time we have to deal with Shitty Shawn
last chair sat in: My current comfy office chair
last underwear worn: Pink Victoria's Secret Bikini-cut
last shirt worn: Blue ribbed t-shirt
last time dancing: Sunday when listening to mp3s and broadway-ing out to Sinatra's version of New York, New York
last poster looked at: None, they're all packed or laying on the floor
last show attended: Over the Rhine in June
last webpage visited: Donna's

This one, stolen from Nikki:

10 Years Ago, I...
1. was starting my senior year of high school
2. was finally emerging from my 'abuse-cocoon'
3. was very confused about love and relationships

5 Years Ago, I...
1. was still dating The Stalker
2. was a photography/art major
3. was still paying the vet bills for the family dog's back injury

3 Years Ago, I...
1. was preparing for classes at UCincy
2. living in Ohio with J.
3. didn't have a dog

1 Year Ago, I...
1. was constantly exhausted and tired for unknown reasons
2. was growing more and more attached to our new dog, Gypsy
3. was recovering from a wonderful first-time trip to Manhattan

So far this year, I...
1. have moved back to my home state to finish school
2. have discovered that I have hypothyroidism and have started to recover
3. have made a plan for my life that doesn't involve theatre - and liked it

Yesterday, I...
1. was very dizzy
2. watched Buddy enjoying the country life out at my mom's
3. enjoyed some relaxing dinner and tv with J. for the first time in days

Today, I...
1. started my final year of college
2. took Gypsy to the dog park
3. still have classes to attend and sign up for (if I can find the damn professors!)

Aaaaaand we're back!

Hello and welcome to Day 12*. Yes, I am posting this from our new condo!

We're surrounded by boxes and totes and a general mess of scattered stuff, but the kitties and Gypsy are here and the keys are officially turned in to our old house and we are finally, finally, finally HERE! Hell yeah, baby! Just in time for me to start school on Monday... provided I can find my schedule. It's in a box somewhere. *sigh* Moving is fun, yes? Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes and good luck vibes. I'm sure we've used them for all they're worth during this past week.

So the entire move has been chaotic as hell and one thing after another has gone wrong. (You can read more about all of that over here.) Considering that we had over almost a month-and-a-half after signing the lease before we could actually set foot in this place, it wasn't quite up to our expectations/memories when we finally got the keys. (On Saturday morning, no less.. because Shitty Shawn didn't even contact us on Friday night about the keys like he said he would. Big surprise there.)

For instance, this place was waaaay more dated than we remember. We're calling it's current look "The Best of the 70s." I mean, really.. check out this lovely sink, and hey, how about these snazzy switchplates? Yeahhhhh, really takes you back, doesn't it? Woah, man.. far out!
And let me just tell you, there's nothing like going to do your laundry and then discovering a huge load of someone else's underwear in your dryer, along with that lingering smell of marijuana in your bedroom closet. (how do you get that smell out anyway? isn't 'pot smell' kind of like cat pee in its tenacity?)
So mostly it's just little things, but they are all fixable and we like to fix things so there you go. It's all good.

Dear god, I have so much work to do today. But hey, unpacking is the easy part, right? .... Um, right? ... Eh, fuck it. I'm picking out paint colors instead.

*(free cookie if know where that quote comes from)

Let's Try This Again, Shall We?

There's a good chance that our internet will stop working either late tonight or Thursday morning sometime. We're scheduled to pick up the keys from the new landlord on Friday night and then we'll be spending the entire weekend getting moved into the new place. I'm not sure exactly when our internet will be hooked up in the condo (monday, I think?).. but you can be sure I'll be posting as soon as that happens. (Of course, after our last fiasco, all of this is said with my fingers crossed and without holding my breath. Cross your fingers too, ok?)

I'm thinking that I need the little computer break anyway. It's been a very difficult couple of weeks for me (especially with the past few days) and I can feel myself slipping into a depression lately. So today, when I went for a nice ride on my bike and felt wind on my face and fresh air burning in my lungs, I was reminded that there is indeed a world out there that is beyond the prison of my chaotic thoughts and this constantly glowing screen... and that just because the computer is on does not necessarily mean that I need to be sitting in front of it.

In other words, you might not hear from me for the next few days. And hopefully, when you do, I will be living back in my home state and preparing for my last year of school and a new leg of my life's journey. Wish us luck. :-)

Boomer and other things

Thank you to everyone that has commented and sent well wishes regarding Boomer's passing. I've often sat here and read all of those comments again and again and just cried and cried. You have no idea what those words meant to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For a dog that we had for only 2 weeks, I never imagined it would be this hard.

I mean, really.. how do you go from this (and all of those garbage bags you cut into two and spread out everywhere so that he could use the warmer spare bedroom without being housebroken) and feeding him medicine and food nearly 7 times a day and spending all of your free time trying to console him because he was just so sick and lonely and frustrated from being so weak? Then all of a sudden, in the course of only a few hours on a beautiful Saturday, how do you just end up with this? How do you explain to your dog that just because the bedding still smells like her friend, it doesn't mean that he's coming back? I know all too well that she understands because she spent the rest of the day wanting to touch me constantly and looking like this. But still.. it doesn't make it any easier. Knowing is the easy part, really. It's the dealing that's a bitch.

I think the hardest thing was the fact that I actually made the decision to end his life. It was my choice and he didn't have any say in the matter. Somehow that just didn't sit well with me and I spent a few days trying to reconcile that within my soul. The fact that no matter how much time and care and love you pour into someone that needs it, it may still never be enough to keep them here. It's still hard when I think about it that way, but it's getting a little easier to bear as time passes. I know now that he is happier and healthier wherever he is and that I will see him again someday. We went and lit a candle for him at the church just a few hours after the vet visit and even though we cried our eyes out for a long time, it still felt better to know that all the relatives and friends that I have lost would eagerly take him into their arms on the other side and love him as if he was their own. At least, that's what I'm always envisioning when I pray... those people that I've lost all stepping out to give me a hug and listen when I need it. I know I have felt that at times and I am grateful.

It also gets a little easier when you have other things to do. Currently, we have been promised that the squatter-girls have already moved out (via court order) and we will be able to finally move into the condo this weekend. We've already arranged to get the keys from Shawn on Friday night. Yes, we've decided to stick with this place and this flake of a landlord. In truth? We're tired of looking, we're tired of moving, we're tired of packing and we're tired of calling other places. Remember, we've been trying to get moved into Kentucky for nearly 2 years. So when the right place came along, we didn't want to lose it. I still think it's the right place for us and I still want to live there. We're very handy people and I know if we can just get into the damn condo, we won't have to depend on him to come and fix stuff or anything like that. I wouldn't be moving all of us there if I didn't think we could handle it. Besides, we've already told Shawn that if he doesn't get us in that place by this weekend, then he's lost us as tenants and will gain us as plantiffs in small claims court. That'll light a fire under your ass, yes? (We can also live out at my mom's for a while if necessary. It's not the most convenient, but it's a place to stay if we need it.)

Also, it's only for a year. After that, I'll be a graduate and we are seriously considering moving towards the east coast after I'm done with school. We're sick of Cincinnati and we want out of this place with its insanely dated values, massive amounts of boredom and shitty job market... and to be honest, I desperately want to live near the ocean. Maybe Virginia, the Carolinas... somewhere not too terribly far from my family. But that's a ways down the road yet. For now, we can put up with Stupid Shawn for a year. He's already kissing our asses pretty hard (thanks to our constant bitching ;-). So we'll see what happens. We've gotten everything in writing and we'll make sure that he pays us what we're due. But really, right now, I'm just too damn tired from all of this chaos and heartbreak over the last few weeks to care and all I want to do is move out of this house and into a new life somewhere else. So ready or not, here we come. Stupid landlords, angry utility-people, and city tax laws be damned. After the summer I've had, crossing my path would not be your best option.

Veni, vidi, vici? Oh yeah... and then some.

Cats and Dogs

Wow.. I didn't think I would ever finish this, but...

All of our kitties are now officially registered on Catster. :-)

Yes, all of them... including:

Raven, Ghost, Guinness, Jekyll, and Buddy.

Oh, and don't forget that Gypsy has a page as well.. but on Dogster of course. And we even gave a page to our beloved friend, Boomhaur.
Enjoy!

For Boomer

God... I don't know how to do this. Every time I think of it, I start crying. Okay.. Here goes:

Two hours ago, I was holding him in my lap at the vet's office, thinking that we were just going to re-weigh him and then maybe get some more antibiotics for his cough. Instead, one hour later, I was signing the paper that would allow the vet to put him to sleep.

Boomhaur ("Boomer" to us) lived with us for exactly two weeks, capturing our hearts and making us root for him every day. Every day, through many, many feedings and lots of TLC, he continued to cough. His weight remained the same, no matter how many nutrients I put into his system. He was not getting better and there's a good chance he never would've. Accepting that fact is still very difficult for me. I still question whether or not I even did a good thing by picking him up from the side of the road. And I will always question myself whenever I should see another animal in need in the future, because of this experience.

I can honestly say that that is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I know it was the right thing, because he was just so incredibly tired and sick. I know that he died with us next to him and even after we snuck him a few dog treats from the vet's jar. I know that he was happy to have us love him and feed him and give him someone to play with every day. I just wish that it didn't have to be this way. I wish that someone would've found him sooner so that he would've had a chance with a great family. I know that he was just an absolutely wonderful dog, but it still absolutely kills me that I had to be the one to make this decision about his life. It's the first time I've ever been able to consciously decide on euthanization for any of my animals in my entire life. All the other times I've lost pets, they were taken from me without my consent or choice. The horrors of the road have taken so many animals from me, which is a large part of my reasoning for picking him up off the side of that highway in the first place. I knew all too well what could happen.

This time though, somehow, it was almost harder to bear or understand. We both cried buckets. We both cuddled him and loved him while they discussed cremation and burial options. I know J. must've cried lots when they actually put him to sleep (though I don't truly know because I couldn't watch the final part and had to leave). We both held each other tight in the parking lot afterwards and we both cried the whole way home. That kind of pain and those kinds of tears do not happen if a dog wasn't truly loved by those who knew him. I'm glad we took the chance to get to know him like we did. And as J. just came in and reassured me, "He didn't die without a name." Sometimes I think little details like that really make all the difference.

I don't really have any profound words right now. I miss him. I wish I could've done more. All I can think of right now is his wonderful hound-dog face and I just want to kiss him one last time.

Love you, Boomer... see you on the flip-side. Make sure you save a space for me on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, okay? Love ya, big boy. xoxo

Superfreaky

Holy Shit!
Rick James just died.
What the hell?

Damn.

Day of Memories

The memories are all coming to the surface tonight. There are so many to choose from and so many to write about.
But it's not as though the memories are absolutely shouting inside my head in a destructive way (as they usually are). It's more of a let's-get-this-shit-done-and-out so I can get the hell on with my life sort of way. I'm thinking that alone is a good thing.

So whether or not the memory blog gets updated tonight, I'm not sure. I'm tired and it's been a long, emotional day already. But I can be positive that something will show up there very soon. My hippocampus feels painfully pregnant.

Note:

There's no link to the memory blog on this site. You have to ask for the keys. But be warned: it's a very private and graphic place and I don't let just anyone in. So if you feel that you know me somewhat, shoot me an email and ask. If not, well... you understand.

My Measley Attempt at Positive Thinking

Believe it or not, I totally did these on time on Monday. However, it's taken me 2 days to just sit down and upload everything from the camera. Go figure.

My camera is one of the few things that is not packed and it's still bringing me joy when I need it, so...
I'm bringing back Photogitives. Feel free to participate! (or save some up and do it next monday or whenever.. because you know, sharing the love would make me feel better here. hint. hint. ;-)

Here goes:

-- Even though he's totally not housebroken and he barks a lot when he's lonely (particularly at 3am), it's so great to see the new dog getting healthier every day solely from our personal TLC
-- After many, many different name changes and a week of agonizing over it, we've finally found the perfect name for the new dog: Boomhaur (after this guy on this show) I cannot begin to tell you how much that name suits him. It's freakin' perfect.
-- The fact that these two are peas in a pod
-- The fact that Boomhaur doesn't give a rat's ass about the cats
-- Resolve Carpet Cleaner
-- Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust Veggie Lover's pizza when I'm desperately craving totally unhealthy comfort food on a bad day
-- Neighborhood kids that cut our grass for us yesterday for only 6 bucks and..
-- then got totally tickled and danced in the streets when they realized I'd left them a $2 tip
-- An absolutely wonderful birthday dinner at P.F. Chang's on Thursday and...
-- one of the most delicious desserts I've ever had in my life (mini hot-fudge bundt cake with raspberry sauce.. my god, that is heaven!) and...
-- it was free just for the Birthday Girl! :-)
-- New treats to make me feel pretty and good-smelly and stuff from J.
-- My mom and her boyfriend Mike getting us a brand new tv for our joint birthday present (with the 3-year warranty)!!!
-- Having a brand new tv and dvd/mp3 player (leftover from Christmas) sitting in their boxes waiting for us whenever we do finally get moved somewhere
-- Taking loads of stuff to Goodwill so that someone who truly appreciates it can have it
-- Filtering through my Crane Machine Victory Shelf and discovering an old dog toy that's totally appropriate right now (and it even squeaks!)
-- Rediscovering antique family heirlooms and..
-- Old favorites
-- Still having cable/internet (though half of the desk is disassembled and in the other room)
-- I've been fully vegetarian for exactly one month and one day and...
-- I've lost 15 pounds as a result (!!)
-- Still having music
-- Beautiful gifts from wonderful friends
-- Surprising J. with a cheap gift right when he needed it
-- Plastic cups. For when yours are already packed.
-- Whenever we do finally move somewhere, it'll be a cinch! (yes, that's half-sarcastic. I'm allowed.)
-- The weekend of rain has stopped and the sun is out again
-- I'm here
-- I'm healthy
-- So is J.
-- As are the animals.. all of them
-- I took the time to do Positives/Photogitives and that's a very good thing

Tuesday Update

Thanks so much to everyone for all the good thoughts and advice. It makes me feel so much better to know that I'm not alone in my anger.. and I'm feeling those good vibes and prayers and using them for all they're worth. Keep 'em comin, ok?

We got the utilities switched back with some phone calls on Monday and we also got our mail stopped. So that's not a problem. The only thing now is do we wait for this awesome condo at a great price in a great place? Or do we end up moving twice (once to my mom's out in the middle of nowhere without true running water and then again to a new place) and go through all of the searching hassle again?

I start school in 3 weeks and we really wanted a vacation in September, so we're still really in limbo about what we should do here. We don't want to be searching/calling/making deposits again when I'm starting my last year of school and we really wanted to be done with this by now. We're tired of all the packing and the exhausting technical details (like the DMV, etc). I've basically just been sitting around the house in my pajamas..lost. My adrenaline has been so focused on this move and I don't do so well with sudden stops.

So far, we are being Masters of the Guilt Trip with Shawn and he seems to be really scrambling to kiss our asses. So we'll see what happens. Hey, we've got two weeks to think about it, right? Heh. (God, that's not even funny is it?)
Right now, I just wish I didn't have keep eating off of paper plates with no silverware.

Oh, the day I've had...

You know what's really fun? Trying to find your daily medication in this. (Notice how even the cats looked pissed - oh wait. Jekyll always looks like that.)

Okay, I'm going to try and explain this whole fiasco as calmly as possible. Every time I start thinking about it, I can feel my blood pressure rising and all I want to do is cry (because I'm too tired and exhausted from packing and carrying my shit to get angry anymore). This will come in chunks so that I don't ruin my mood completely. Mostly, we're just in complete and utter shock still... so this may babble (as you can already see). Pardon me.

It's long, but here goes....

We signed a lease for a wonderful 2 bedroom condo on July 10th. Woodburning fireplace. Beautiful balcony. Two full bathrooms and a wonderful kitchen. It's on the top floor. It will save us so much in heating bills, compared to this horribly drafty 1940s house. It's five minutes from school, local dog parks and even an organic pet food store. It will cut J.'s drive-time to work nearly in half. We love it. We are approved for the lease. We are ecstatic.
Everything has been going fine. We've been packing our asses off, trying to condense a 3-bedroom house with a basement and an attic into a 2 bedroom condo with a storage facility. It's been stressful as hell. I've lost sleep. I'll admit that it hasn't been peachy, but we were doing okay and maintaining constant contact with our new landlord, Shawn. He seemed level-headed and we liked him. We liked the condo. We liked his pet policy (no deposit - just keep it clean). Our search for a new place was over. We were happy.

So about two weeks before we are scheduled to move in, Shawn lets it slip to J. that we might actually be able to move in early because his current tenants are 2 months late on the rent and are not returning his phone calls. He assumes that they might slip out in the night and stick him with the overdue rent. If so, he guarantees us he will let us know so that we can just move in early, no problem. He's not worried about it at all. This makes us a little uneasy, but he assures us he has a good lawyer and that there has already been paperwork started and that these girls will absolutely be out by July 31st.

So over the course of the next week, J. sends him various emails and we have various phone conversations about whether or not we'll be able to bring our current washer/dryer, what the condo rules are concerning satellite dishes and what you can keep on your balconies, etc etc etc.. mundane stuff. And J. asks one more time if we will truly be able to move in on August 1st. Shawn replies with this email (direct quote): "On August 1st, you can bring your bed and set it up and stay the night because that is your move-in date." So, we take his word and continue with our preparations.

Welcome to Thursday, July 29th. Four days before we are scheduled to move in. It's my birthday and J. has taken two vacation days for Thurs and Fri in order to celebrate with me and to help with packing for the move. He tells Shawn in an email that he will be out of the office and to contact him at home if needed. We go out, we have a wonderful birthday dinner and enjoy our evening.

Friday: A lovely day spending 5 hours at the Circuit Clerk's office, getting Kentucky plates for our car, having our car inspected for transfer by the Sheriff, and then finally having to re-take our KY driver's tests in order to get our new Kentucky driver's licenses with our new KY address. We use the copy of our lease as proof of address. Our new condo address is now on our new licenses. We are offically registered to vote in our new state at the local courthouse that is 5 minutes from our new address.

Later that night, as we're getting ready for our yard sale, we have some questions about keeping certain pieces of furniture and our current washer/dryer. We call and leave Shawn a message, asking him to get in touch with us about last minute details and set up a time to meet him for the keys on Sunday.
He never calls back. This man has always been absolutely impossible to get in touch with, but he's a sales rep that travels a lot and he's very busy, so we just roll our eyes and keep trying. Nothing. We get irritated, but we keep packing.

Saturday: Shawn still has not called us. We spend 8 hours organizing, boxing and preparing for the yard sale. We put out our signs at 4am and have the yard sale. It pours rain all day. We get only 3 customers and make a grand total of $16. But we do sell and/or give away practically all of our furniture. We continue to call Shawn throughout the day, leaving messages that are more and more frantic and insistent. He never calls us back. We start to wonder if maybe something has happened to him, a family emergency, something out of his control. (He has Crohn's disease, so we were worried for good reason.) We actually call a local hospital to check and see if anyone by his name has been admitted. Nope. No Shawn there. We leave another message and tell him to call us back, even if it's late. Nothing. He never calls us.

Sunday: Our official 'bring-your-bed-and-set-it-up' move-in date. We rise at 7am, ready to work. We have had a U-Haul truck reserved for almost a week now. We decide that we'll go get it anyway and just use it to haul stuff to Goodwill, hoping that Shawn will have called us by the time we return home. Hoping that there will have been a big misunderstanding and he will be ready to give us the keys asap. We load up the truck. We go to Goodwill, unload our stuff. We come home. No calls. No messages.
We call Shawn yet again at 11am. After a grand total of 15 calls and 5 messages in a space of 3 days, we still have no word from our new landlord. We leave some frantic voice mails on his cell, his home and at his work. We keep slowly packing things and trying desperately not to panic.

Finally, at 2pm on Sunday, our official 'bring-in-your-bed-and-set-it-up' move-in date, Shawn calls. I trip over boxes and leap for the phone.

"Hello??"
"Staz?"
"Yes?"
"It's Shawn."
"Yes."
"Didn't you guys get my email?"
"Uh.. noooo..."
"I sent J. an email. You didn't get it?"
"No."
"I sent J. an email on Thursday and then called his work on Friday and they said he wasn't at his desk."
"Yeah, he's been on vacation. He took two days off to prepare for the move."
"[nervous laugh].. Um, okay..."
"Hold on."

I feel myself becoming furious already. The tone in his voice is already making me panic, so I hand the phone to J. He's much more diplomatic in these situations than I.

Over the course of the next 10 minutes, Shawn talks to J. on the phone while I contribute my own 2 cents in the background. J. sits on the floor (because we no longer have furniture) and listens with his jaw hanging open, too stunned to do anything but stare at me in disbelief. His shoulders drop. I know it's bad.

The exact details of the conversation are a bit of an angry blur for me still, but the basic story is this:
The girls that currently live in the condo are refusing to vacate. They still owe him 2 months of back-rent and they have not returned any of his calls in the past month. All he did was leave them a voice mail telling them that they had to be out by July 31st because we were moving in on the 1st.
He never left a note on their door. He never notified the Sheriff for an eviction notice. He told us all month long that we could officially move in on August 1st with no problems... all while simply waiting on two squatters who owed him 2 months of back-rent and utilities to return his single warning voice mail. That's it. Nothing else.

So here we are, sitting on our living room floor, me about to lose my head and putting words in J.'s mouth because he simply cannot speak from shock.
We remind Shawn that we have been calling him non-stop since Friday and that we have left various messages at all of his various numbers, including his cell phone. Then Shawn proceeds to tell us that his cell phone has not worked for 3 weeks. Three weeks - that's before we ever signed the damn lease.

The conversation continues:
J: "I sent you an email telling you I wouldn't be at work on Thursday or
Friday. We've left countless messages since Friday, Shawn. I just.. I don't
understand. I'm really in a state of shock right now."
Shawn: [muttering various things - Shawn acts thoroughly surprised
that we are so annoyed.]
J: "Right. Yet you never called my house?"
Shawn: "Ummm.. no. No I did not."
J: [looks at me in stunned silence - Shawn keeps talking.]
*pause while J. listens and then his jaw drops*
J: "So let me get this straight. You assumed that my silence meant that we
were no longer interested?"
*pause while my jaw drops*
J: "From an email you sent to my work email address? I can't check
that from home Shawn."
Shawn: [something about how he's just talked to the Sheriff and will have to
get a court order, blah blah blah, minimum of two weeks from the time
the court proceedings begin and maybe even a month, blah blah blah,
and if they can get evicted within 2 weeks, are we still interested?]
J: "Uh, I don't know, Shawn. This is really beyond inconvenient. I don't know
what to tell you. Our house is full of boxes. We've switched over all the
utilities. Our mail will be forwarded there starting tomorrow. There's a U-
Haul truck sitting outside with all of our stuff in it. I mean.. this is just a huge
shock. ... We're going to have to sit and think about this."

Then he offers us this gem...

Shawn: "I can reimburse you for the truck."

This is the point where my head popped off. The truck? The fucking truck? AAAARRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! How could you be so goddamned stupid as to not call our fucking house? You have two phone numbers in order to reach us. If you call one phone number for a person and you get no results, does it not stand to reason that you would then call the other phone number? You've called us at home before. You called J.'s work and he wasn't there. We called you various times from our home phone number over the weekend. So why in the hell didn't you call our motherfucking house?

And if you have two tenants who haven't paid you rent in two months, haven't paid utilities and haven't returned any of your calls in over a month, what in the hell makes you think that they will vacate that condo by August 1st? Hello??

So these are the main thoughts that are running through my mind. J. is telling him we will call him back in one hour with our thoughts and that we seriously have to think about this and that we are horribly shocked and displeased. They are saying their goodbyes and hanging up. Everything fades into the background and suddenly I feel far, far away. All I can do is stare outside at the U-Haul truck parked in front of our house and all the boxes piled to the ceiling in our living room. All I can see when I close my eyes is our new KY drivers licenses with our new address on them - and know that we do not yet live there.

Immediately, J. hangs up the phone and comes over to me and hugs me. I can see tears in his eyes. I am not crying, however. I want to, but my anger is taking over damn quick. I go from jaw-dropping shock to full-out rage in continuous waves for the rest of the day.

We talk things over for a bit. J. gives me the whole story and all the pieces I didn't get from the phone call. We call our current landlord and she is gracious enough to not only let us pay only 2 weeks' rent, but she also gives us some legal advice about what we can do. We call my mom and she gives us some legal advice, along with her boyfriend Mike. As expected, my mom is so sorry for us and offers us a place to stay at her house in the country if we need it. I also call my dad who completely pisses me off by being his unsupportive and unpleasable self - which brings my anger to a whole other level. (but that's an entry for another day - like 100 years from now, when they invent shatterpoof keyboards.)
Anyway, back to Sunday. So, by this time, it has been less than 45 minutes since our phone call with Shawn. We decide that we will give him 2 weeks to get us into that condo or else we're moving on and he's lost us. (Which we know is good leverage, because he really liked us and wanted us to be there.)

Oh, but here's the kicker:

We call him back less than 45 minutes from the time he dropped this bomb on us. Guess what?

He's not there. We get his voice mail.

You cannot even fathom how loud I screamed right then.

So there you have it, in a rather large nutshell. We have a place to live for at least the next two weeks. It's not the one we wanted, nor is it the circumstances that we had hoped for.. but it's a roof over our heads and an extra two weeks to really think about what we want and whether or not we want this place bad enough to put up with yet more bullshit during our summer vacation.

Either way, no matter what.. we have options. I have a mom that desperately tries to support me and make me feel better and that really makes all the difference sometimes. I have J., who busts ass sending pissy emails and making Shitty Shawn feel extra bad and try extra hard to please us as a result. And yes, I'm going to be completely honest and say that the worse Shawn feels, the happier that makes me.
And you know what? If that makes me a bad person, then so be it. I don't care at this point. I've spent my entire life being victimized because I didn't follow through or speak up when I should've. But this time? Oh no. I got assertive about it. I didn't defer his phone calls. I talked to him myself. I did everything right. I was more than respectful and understanding and responsible about all of this the entire time and I'm not about to just let this blow over because I'm too afraid of 'not being liked.' I don't regret it one bit if he ends up thinking I'm a complete bitch by the time this is over. Sometimes being a bitch is what gets things done.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go dig my toothpaste out of a box. Have a great Monday.

Livid. Livid. Livid. Livid. Livid. Livid. Livid. Livid.

I am fucking livid. Too angry, upset, crying and chaotic for me to explain.

The basic jist of it all?
We have no new place.

And we just now found out at 2pm on the day we are supposed to get the damn keys and officially move in.

There's been a U-Haul truck parked at our curb with our furniture in it since 8am this morning.
Our silverware is even packed.
Everything we own is in a box or a storage facility.
We've switched over all the utilities.
We spent our entire Friday at the DMV getting new licenses with our new address on them.
We have new Kentucky plates on the car.

But yet we have no. new. place.

Mother. Fucker.

This is just.. my god. This just does not compute. I'll explain later when I can make more sense.
Right now, we have an empty and unused U-Haul truck to return.
Also, J. has promised me Panera and fresh air. I'm taking it.
That's just... that's all I can say for now.

%#&#@%$*%*&*!!!

You know what really, really, really, really pisses me off? When you have had a U-Haul truck sitting in front of your house since 8am this morning and you've already packed all of your dishes, clothes and even toilet paper and you've already switched over all the utilities for the new place and scheduled the shut off of your current utilities with the next 24 hours and you've already confirmed that August 1st is your official move-in date and your future landlord has already told you "you can bring your bed and stay the night because that is your official move-in date" and you've basically got nothing left to do but load up the truck with your stuff and start taking the necessary trips to get everything moved into the new place and then this happens:

It's noon on Sunday and your new landlord has not called you back since Thursday, he hasn't returned the 147 calls that you've made to him at all three available phone numbers and as a result, you not only have no contact or knowledge of his whereabouts, but you still have no fucking keys. We cannot move until we hear from him and I'm really, really fucking pissed off. And we must get moved tonight because J. will have the car tomorrow and he will be working (he can't take any more days off for this - he's already stretching it thin at work).
This is fucking ridiculous. I cannot explain how irritated I am right now. Even if there's been an emergency, someone should have called us or met us with the keys. Something. Letting us know what's going on is just a simple courtesy here, people. This shit is just not cool with me at. all.
Grrrrrrrrr!

Movin' On Up

Here we go boys and girls...

The moving truck is reserved for tomorrow morning at 8am and as I type this, J. is disassembling the desk and removing the printer and speakers. Some last minute things to pack tomorrow (like you know... all of our dishes. oops.) and then we'll be on our way to Northern Kentucky for the next year of our lives.
Hopefully this time next year, I'll be packing yet again (with degree in hand!), but instead preparing for a move somewhere closer to the ocean, maybe towards the east coast while embarking on a new chapter in my life - working girl. But that's all a long way off. For now, I'm going to make the best of my home state and this last year here. And for right now, I'm going to try my best to enjoy this move and not stress out. (hahahahaaaaaaa, yeah riiiight, Staz. Right.)

We'll see what happens. What I do know is that even though we'll have cable hooked up in the new place by Tuesday, we may not have a modem for a little while yet (we have to give our current one back to Roadrunner). So my online presence may be scarce and I may not be able to check my domain email. So if you need me, you know where to find me, right?

Who would've thought that a simple move to a smaller place 30 minutes south would be so damn much work? Wish us luck!!! We'll certainly need it!

Ciao! :-)

Oh! One more thing!

Thanks so much to everyone for the wonderful birthday cards and wishes! You guys totally made my day! It was special already but coming home and seeing so many beautiful words from online friends made it that much better! Thanks again! You guys rock! :-D