Burlap Soul

I feel like I should tell you what I did this past weekend, but I honestly have no words this morning. I'm exhausted. Weird, in that since graduating I was supposed to have taken a nice break and I did in parts, but really I haven't done anything but run around like an insane girl with an endless agenda. Currently there isn't much to tell really. We went home to see my family in Eastern KY this weekend and had a nice memorial day cookout with everyone there (except my mom who had to work through the holiday - stupid retail!). There are funny stories about my dad trying desperately to grill the veggie dogs that J. brought for me and all of us getting to break in their new pool that came with their new house last November and how the water was so cold that you couldn't just ease into it so we just had diving contests to see who was man enough to take it and how my dad can do a serious cannonball when he wants to and how much I love to watch J. when he's in his element with a snorkel and an endless supply of blue water and overall just how much I absolutely love summer and had forgotten how much I love to swim. Good thing we got that pool key finally, huh? And then I should probably mention how sick Gypsy is and how she's got the worst case of allergies I've ever seen a dog have and now I'm thinking that my little summer girl may not be able to handle her favorite season between all the sneezes and how that just makes me sad for her and then kind of annoyed in that the pills I paid the vet nearly 60 bucks for aren't doing a damn thing so she just sits and looks pitiful and sneezes a hundred times and then lays back down looking so sick and dopey that she can't even work up a good pity look.

However, all of this stuff doesn't come out of me right away. I'm not a blogger of daily events. I'm a blogger of thoughts. If you go back into my journals from high school, it's the same way. I use journals/blogs/whatever as an outlet, not an itinerary. For those of you that do blog such things, I envy you. Seriously, how do you remember so much?

A wonderful meme that you've probably seen a hundred times, but that is completely new to me because I've never actually participated and therefore is still fresh and exciting. So put on your happy interested faces and read along anyway, yes?

The Official Interview Game Rules (as stolen from Kat):
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Wanna play? Leave a comment and I will ask you all sorts of schtuff.

Now, some questions just for me, from the ever-so-lovely Nicole.

Today I woke up at 4:30am with some of the worst cramps I've had in a long time, an unbelievably painful belly (due to chronic belly problems) and the beginning of a wonderful new migraine.

At 6:30am I finally fell back to sleep.

At 11am I woke up with the exact same sensations all over again, only now the migraine was in full swing.

I've been on a steady diet of tylenol and crackers all day.

I wondered if I shouldn't get up and do something to try and relieve the constant back/cramps pain, but instead I ended up on the couch flipping through the channels and trying desperately to get comfortable.

Right at that moment, I caught Martha Stewart Weddings on the Style Network and decided to watch, thinking I could get some neat ideas.

I watched for all of five minutes before I started laughing harder than I have in days.

The irony! Me in my paint-stained sweats that are missing the drawstring and constantly falling halfway down my ass, an old humane society shirt that is covered in various shades of paint, cat vomit and dog snot, laying on the $30 yard sale couch with the constantly sliding-off cushions covered in various overly furry and beached animals that keep eyeballing my open bag of Yoda Cheetos and bottle of Tylenol on the floor... all while watching Martha create a column wedding cake with whipped merengue icing, freshly shredded coconut, toasted only until dried (but not browned!) and making 150 crepe paper roses of various "whimsical" colors in order to correspond with the paper lantern centerpieces that will hold the placecards for the guests at the wedding.

I debated placing a sprig of mint in my glass of iced tea to get some of that "whimsy" for myself and then that image made me laugh so hard I cried. Somehow the cramps became comforting. Who knew I was human after all? Whimsical indeed.

Oh, that Martha! She's so nutty! Someday I'll be just like her!

So what exactly is the etiquette protocol for suddenly having wild spontaneous monkey love on the couch while Martha Stewart Weddings is on the television in the background? I mean, she wasn't exactly the instigator but our mutual laughter at her expense certainly had something to do with it. So I'm confused...

Do we send her a thank you note? And what exactly is the proper tipping amount?

Do tell.

Considering that it's nearly 90 degrees outside today and the I-can't-breathe humidity has officially kicked in, I decided it was time for a refreshing swim around here. I'm still not sure if I like it, so let me know what you think.

In other news, there is an injured bird on our balcony and I've been watching him all day. His breathing is terribly slow, he doesn't want to move and it looks as though his eyes are glazing over. Poor guy. I want so badly to hold him and take care of him and bring him inside where it's cool and make him all better, but it's frustrating to know that I can't. So I sit inside with the cats and we all watch him sleep through the glass and eye him curiously. Good thing his eyes are glazed over and that he's sleeping anyway, as having to stare at four cats lined up, staring at him and licking their chops might be enough to give him a heart attack.

Man, I'm missing my dad's pool so bad right now. That water looks damn good.

Sorry if you liked the black. I didn't. It was just too dark for summer and it was bugging me, so now you have white. I like it better this way.

Of course, ask me again in 5 minutes. *sigh*

Oh wow! I didn't have to take this quiz ten times before I got the answer that I wanted! It just came naturally....

There's really so much shit I should be doing. Pasty's graduation is tonight and we'll be heading to Eastern Ky in a few hours to be there. I was adamant to J. last night that he must be home in time for us to leave by 2pm at the latest, yet here I am surfing blogs without having done a single lick of packing.

*sigh* I don't know what it is about the internet lately, but I've just been avoiding it. I don't want to get caught in that 24-7-computer-blogging rut that is so easy for me to get into. Currently, my right wrist and fingers hurt after about 10 minutes of being online or typing, so that's probably my reason for not posting much lately. Other than the fact that I feel I have nothing really important to say.

It's 1:00. We have to be on the road in an hour and I have yet to do anything to prepare for this trip, including wrapping my dad's father's day present which is going to be a serious project. (It's a hammock in a gigantic box. But I'm wrapping it in kraft paper and duct tape - because that's exactly how my dad would wrap it, if he wrapped anything.)

Sorry if this entry sounds whiny or disgruntled. I'm not really. I think that with the heat being the way it's been, I'm just getting bored. You can only spend so much time indoors in cool a/c before it just starts to feel like winter again.

Okay, Staz. Go pack. Get Gypsy ready, get your clothes, decide what you're wearing to the ceremony, wrap dad's present. No seriously. Get off your butt and go do these things - as that's how they will get done. Fantasizing only gets you so far, dear. The rest requires actual human effort.

Have a great weekend all. And Happy Friday.

Hey kids! How do you like this? And this?

I'm starting to think that having two pools in our condo community and an awesome pool at my dad's new place whenever we go home is going to be the death of me. I mean really, if no one else is there when I pull out the sunblock then it's obviously just not going to be put on my back. Son of a bitch! This iiiiitches!!!! And now I have long nails and when I scraaaatch it, it hurrrrrts!! (Yeah, yeah, who knew? I never claimed to be a genius, but sometimes stupidity is just automatic.) Ow, ow, ow.

Okay, lesson learned. Irish girls do not belong in the sun. At least not without a massive gooey layer of SPF 50 protection. I can only walk around shirtless and standing in front of the fan for so long before someone calls the psych ward.

New entry for you in the photolog, loaded with lots of goodies. Mmmm, goodies.

Update: Yet another one. Yum, yum!

Nothing quite says "Uh-oh" and simultaneously "Cha-ching!" like typing on your computer and suddenly hearing "Zap!" then seeing your office fill with smoke - all coming from the back of your computer.

*sigh*

I'll be back when we survey the burn damage and then replace whatever exploded. Oops.

All fixed. Apparently the power supply overheated and melted quite nicely. Luckily, the hard drive wasn't damaged, which would've sucked royally as every photo that I've taken and every song that I've downloaded in the past 4 years is on this computer. Yes, I am a neglectful idiot that has never backed up my hard drive and yes, J. took it to his work and backed it up there in order to counteract my neglectful tendencies.

I don't know what it is about the internet lately. It's summer, yes and hanging out inside on this box that makes my wrist hurt doesn't seem appealing now that the weather's nice. But it's something else too, I think. School's finally done for me. This is my last summer of freedom until I'm about 65 probably. I miss being able to climb stairs without getting winded. I still don't like the way my site looks and want a serious overhaul, but don't know how to do it. All little problems that just don't make me want to sit and click all day. I want to be outside in the sunshine, getting fit, feeling sunshine on my face because I know that winter comes all too fast, running with my dog, playing with my cats, laughing at bridal magazines with J., enjoying my long-awaited post-college vacation all I can.

I don't think I could ever be one of those people that just quits blogging. For me, it's not just a fad. This place is my journal, my thoughts, my outlet. Even if no one reads, I would still do it. When I type things out here, I feel better. Simple as that. But for some reason, this summer, things aren't so bad. So there you go. Most of the reason for my lack of posting. Things are good. Take that as a sign. No new posts = lots of smiles. ;-)

Now, I'm off to do some lunch and shopping with my mom. See? Things are good. I've accepted life as a wheel. Last year was hard and it sucked, so maybe now I'm getting the good side of the wheel. Ebb, flow, ebb, flow... it's all a process. And for now, I'm enjoying these ocean breezes for all they're worth. Honestly, after the last few years we've had, I think we deserve every awesome wave that comes our way.

I have no idea what in the hell is wrong with me. The past few days I have been stuck in the biggest funk imaginable. We had a wonderful weekend together, full of romance and laughter. Monday and Tuesday I didn't want to be bothered and was too tired of everything around me to even speak. I don't want to be bothered. I don't want to be noticed. I don't want to make decisions. I don't want to be talked to. I don't want to do anything but sit and stare into space. I think my brain is finally shutting down. Ever since graduation, I've been running around doing all the little errands I had been putting off for so long. Nearly every day, I'm running around doing stuff. I've relaxed lots but I still feel stressed out about stupid little daily things that just won't go away or that I can't fix right now. I really wanted to spend my summer painting and organizing this place, but everything takes so much damn time and effort and money that it seems to take forever in order to get it done. So I sit and stare at these things and just think too damn much.

On top of that, I have had paint swatches in every color of the damn rainbow on our bedroom wall since last August and still cannot pick a damn color to save my life. I want our bedroom to look like an Indian paradise, but have no idea how to do this as I've never been to India nor have I been able to find a single Indian style bedroom photo online that doesn't look like it would cost a small fortune to reproduce. Our curtains are fuschia, as are the sheets. What in the hell goes with fuschia?

See? Stupid little shit. Yet I am obsessed with it.

I need to go for a bike ride. It's actually not oppressively warm here lately, big puffy clouds and lots of breezes. The weather's been beautiful and yet I notice nothing but how disorganized my office closet is. What the fuck is wrong with me? The negativity's starting to creep back in and negativity = voices, so I seriously need to do something. But what?

*sigh* I'm too tired to even answer that question. I think I'll try to find a place to take my bike out. I need my bike. It's my happy place. I just wish we didn't live in a giant parking lot. That's the only reason I miss our old place. The house drove me nuts, the neighbors irritated the shit out of me, the landlady made me furious, but the roads were divine for bike rides. Maybe afterwards I'll make some more pet beds or start some sewing. I need to do some fun stuff, just for me. Crafts, painting, photos, whatever. I need a vacation from the to-dos and a big dose of the want-tos.

Because I spent all night doing these memes, you get to spend all morning stealing and reading them. Aren't you glad I gave you something to do?

Three things I didn't know at this time last week:
- That I would be suddenly depressed for no real reason.
- That I would actually buy a thong. (shutup)
- That we would be broke all of a sudden.

Three things I still don't know:
- Whether or not I'll be suddenly depressed next week.
- When exactly I'll feel like looking for a job.
- What it will take to make me happy with myself for longer than 5 minutes.

Three things I'm thankful for:
- iTunes and iTunes gift cards
- bicycles
- free time with J. and the animals (sounds like a great rock band, no?)

Three things I could do without:
- mood swings
- getting older with a thyroid problem to boot
- lack of motivation to get rid of the extra weight that causes

Three things I'm afraid of:
- spiders (do I really have to tell you this again?)
- sudden tragedies (wrong place, wrong time scenarios)
- hurting someone when I get angry

Three little luxuries I allow myself:
- letting Gypsy snuggle with me on the bed for 5 minutes every night even though it makes her temporarily mean and pissy (alpha dog, yadda yadda)
- waking up with blogs or having late nights with them sometimes too
- a bowl of cereal at night

Three things I'd like to do this year:
- make money at a job that I enjoy
- have the money to start seriously planning a cool wedding
- travel and/or lose 15 pounds (either one would be fine with me)

You know there's more, right? I mean, duh.

*looks at the current world's population* You must have a lot of frustration then.

What pisses you off?

Created by ptocheia

(stolen from Michele.)

Oh my god. I am having entirely too much damn fun with this game today. I love overdosing though. What does that say about me?

(thanks to Firda for the link)

Okay guys. Because I can no longer stand the dissonance of not being able to pick a damn paint color for my bedroom, this is where you get to step in and help me.

Normally, I can walk into a room and see an instant color and decorating scheme in my head. I've always been very good at visualizing what I want a room to look like, but our bedroom has me abso-freakin-lutely stumped and it's driving me bonkers.

Just to let you know what I'm going for here:

I want an Indian look, which is why I chose to make our drapes out of a very translucent fuschia fabric and paired it with bamboo blinds. (yes, I made those drapes. you like?) I also plan on getting a very colorful satin/silk comforter to go with both the fuschia curtains and the sheets. Hopefully there will also be some very colorful tapestries and bronze elephant/buddha type sculptures everywhere too. Also, I'm going to stain all the furniture to be a very dark Indian style wood color. Now I just need to pick a damn wall color. I want something that looks Indian, but doesn't overwhelm the room and isn't difficult to wake up to every morning. A background color for all the tapestries that I plan to hang. Vibrant, but not obnoxious. Sensual and luxurious, but not overly girly. Adult, but still cool.

Now, I'm fully aware of the crappy and quick photoshop job I've done on this picture, but I've been royally burned by those damn paint-by-computer programs before so this is what you get. Remember, the ceiling will probably stay that ugly stomped 70s white (despite how it looks in the photo). The ugly neutral carpet can be covered with rugs. The trash bags in the room will be gone. Jekyll however will most likely stay right where she is. Hell, you can even use her as a focal point if you like, as that's pretty much where she stays and I like her colors anyway.

Now, give me your vote - and then tell me why.

Congratulations to Erika! Wow! Somehow I just know she's going to be an amazing mommy. :-)

- Watched my mom's chihuahua for four days (and I do mean "watched" as the only thing she does is sit at the window non-stop waiting for my mom to come home. Yes she is that co-dependent.)
- Mourned the loss of breezy summer days as the Wet Blanket Humidity has now officially kicked in, along with the mid-90 degree temperatures
- Realized that our a/c is horribly underpowered for this condo and also extremely outdated. Looks like we will be hearing the hum of five different fans all summer anyway.
- Went to cat-sit at mom and Mike's for a bit (yes, as a matter of fact, it was a What-can-we-do-for-you weekend) and enjoyed the sweet a/c at Mike's place while watching In Good Company on his Humongo Big Screen - very funny film, though we didn't even care, we were just grateful to be in good air conditioning)
- Realized that maybe I'm going to give this layout to J.'s site, because he needs an overhaul over there and I think I've thought of something I'd like to do over here more
- Had a very nice Thank-you-for-watching-all-three-of-our-animals-while-watching-all-six-of-your-own-this-weekend dinner on Mom at Ruby Tuesday's on Sunday. Mmmmm, queso and chips!
- Purged this place something fierce. Finally (finally!!) got all the garbage bags of clothes and miscellaneous junk out of here and happily sitting on Goodwill's front step
- J. inflated the low tire on my car and the flat tires on my bike - woohoo! I can ride again!
- Taking Gypsy to the dog park yesterday even though it was so damn hot, but seeing how full the place was and how much she enjoyed herself. I love my doggie.
- The prospect of rain this week. God, we need rain so bad right now it's not even funny. (the dog park was like a giant dust bowl)
- My family having a giant Hawaiian themed Luau for their 4th of July cookout this weekend, which will hopefully rock. String lights and Hawaiian music by the pool = neato!
- J. cracking me up with his "Ocean Waves" sounds. I've never heard anyone do seagulls like him.
- The fact that I can hang out in my pajamas all day and it's still perfectly okay. I still cannot believe that I am a college graduate.
- J. and I planning a vacation somewhere as soon as his huge project is done at work. Seriously, we need one.
- The possibility of actually doing something fun on our birthdays that is out of town. We haven't done anything fun like that in years.
- The fact that I can meet my mom for lunch so often now. I never thought I'd enjoy it so much.

- The fact that these became positives even though I wasn't even trying. :-)

I mean yes, I could've been a statistic or even declared myself the Bell Curve, but I figure with all the statistics classes and research projects I've suffered through (and created myself), my brain is thoroughly burned out on data-collection and research methods and therefore all I really have to tell you is exactly what every research project boils down to anyway and that is "I Made Some Science."

Click on the picture and you can too.

Found this over at Erin's place and thought it appropriate, as it's payday and even though it's Wednesday somehow that makes it feel like Friday.

1. What do you like best about summer weekends?
Normally I would say driving in warm weather with music cranked and the windows down. But now that the Kentucky humidity has kicked in, it's full-blown a/c everywhere you go, so not so much fun. Other than that? Playing in the pool and summer evenings with friends, beers and citronella candles.

2. What is your favorite summer event?
I loves me some good fireworks and roller coasters rock my socks. But really, when it comes to summer events I'd have to say my birthday - which ironically is exactly one month from today. Score!

3. Do you usually plan a vacation for the summer? Are you going anywhere this year?
We try to, but the past few summers we've been too broke. However, this summer we are definitely planning to go somewhere though it probably won't be too far away or extravagant. Maybe Cedar Point and I'd really like to meet up with Rasee in Chicago this September.

4. What are you favorite types of summer clothes?
Ironic that you should ask me this, as I was always the girl that wore jeans in 103 degree weather because I thought my legs were too pale and skinny. But so far this summer, I've worn nothing but shorts and I'm really not even thinking about it anymore. Go me!

5. Which would you rather visit in the summer - (a fancy cottage at) the lake or the ocean?
Lakes are cool in the sense that you can actually swim in the water as it's calm, but come on. Nothing beats the ocean! I mean... it's the ocean!

6. Have you ever eaten a chocolate starfish?
Nope. Can't say that I have.

7. What are your plans for 4th of July weekend?
Visiting family in Eastern Kentucky for the usual family cookout, but since my dad and Aunt V. have their new place with that awesome inground pool, we're doing a pool party on Saturday with a Hawaiian Luau theme. Then we're supposed to let off fireworks at dark. Rock.

8. What were summers like when you were a kid?
Hot. Hot, hot, hot. Welcome to Kentucky. Though we always played in the creek and had plenty of shade with all the huge sycamore trees. And someone was always grilling out while having beers and playing a loud round of horseshoes.