Burlap Soul

Last night I found myself with some turmoil creative energy and no internet or blog to spill my words into. So, in a complete surprise to myself, I decided to whip out some paper and markers. My own personal favorite medium.

Consider this my extremely small contribution to Art Every Day Month.

If you only knew how much I obsessed over the link colors. So do you like it?

I honestly cannot believe it is December yet again. Didn’t we just have Christmas? Didn’t we just thaw out from the winter? Hell, wasn’t Thanksgiving yesterday?

It seems downright surreal that this time last year, I was still 1.5 semesters away from graduating. As of right now? Graduation seems a distant memory. I can’t believe that so much has happened in the space of a single year. I am a college graduate. I am engaged. I am starting a new job that I honestly did not think I would have after painstakingly pursuing a bachelor’s degree for so long. However, it’s a job that will give me immediate and amazing benefits and room for advancement. It’s a job that will pay for our wedding. It’s a job that will allow me to be home in the evenings and to see my family for the holidays. It’s a job that will put us in the running for finally owning a home. It’s the first step to the life of freedom that I have wanted. It’s yet another step towards that journey of adulthood that I have always dreamed of.

It will let me buy lots more iTunes. Oh, and an iPod to play them on.

It will let us start planning our trips. That trip to Italy where we dance under the Tuscan stars to Amos Lee’s “Arms of a Woman.” That road trip to Boston where we sing along to The Jayhawks’ “All the right reasons.” That trip to New Orleans where we stand on a corner in the quarter and listen to Tom Waits’ “Pasties and a G-String.” That anniversary trip to Mackinac Island where we stand in that wonderful field of black-eyed susans by Lake Huron and sing to each other David Wilcox’s “All My Life” because it was the song we played at our wedding. Or that day we just stand in Devou Park overlooking this town we have called home for so long and sing Over the Rhine’s “Lifelong Fling.”

Yep. This job will give me a lot. But I really want that iPod.

Just thought I'd update you on a few things, since it's Sunday and I can do that.

Okay, so concerning the new job. I don't start until December 12th - which kind of sucks because we need money right now. Plus, it's not a job that my degree had anything to do with, nor is it a job that I really wanted. However, it is a job and it is my foot in the door with a huge company that might have other better paying opportunities down the road. Plus, it's pharmacy and that's a field that I don't mind doing. I've been a pharmacy technician since about 1998 and to be honest, I've kind of missed doing that kind of work. I fell into being a tech just as a job to get me through college, but then I kind of liked it and just kept doing it. However, that's the only experience that everyone sees on my resume, so it's usually the only jobs I am offered. You'd be amazed by how many calls and emails I get about being a damn pharmaceutical sales rep. Funny, how pharmacy is something I've just always done, but never really been interested in. I know a lot about drugs, I just don't share it with everyone. My mom calls me her walking PDR.

Anyway, back to the j-o-b. It's a long commute and the pay isn't stellar, but the schedule is right on and the benefits and perks are really just amazing. That's the main reason I took this job. My long term health problems are starting to get worse and I'm just getting really damned sick of not having any insurance. Plus, with this company, I get to have profit-sharing, paid holidays, 401K, personal days, vacation time, you know.. all that adult stuff that everyone else talks about but I've never had. Rock on. Also, and a big reason I took this job, I get 75% tuition reimbursement. So if I wanted to pursue my master's or even go back and get my bachelor's in photography or some other sort of technical degree (like oh, become a dog trainer), I could do it at 1/4th of the cost. Oh hell yes. Go future!

So that's the job in a nutshell. In other news...

For the first time since J. and I have been together and also since either of us have lived on our own, we've decided to bite the bullet and have a legitimate tree this year. You know, one that's three dimensional, unlike our previous tree which I love for its hokey-ness, but just isn't all that festive. (You see now my enthusiasm for the new blog design.) We decided to go with artificial, as we have four rambunctious cats and a dog that eats everything. Something that doesn't taste like nature is probably a wise choice. We bought it a few nights ago and finally put it together on Friday. To my complete and utter shock and surprise, it is still standing and virtually unacknowledged. The cats use the bottom branches as a back scratcher occasionally and they will sometimes take a few nibbles of a fake branch or two, but for the most part they just stare at it and sleep under it. Um, let me reiterate again - Wow. Of course, there's no lights on it yet, so uh... keep those fingers crossed.

Also, my mom is attending physical therapy and has finally started to get some relief from her new and unbelievable back pain. Her boyfriend Mike was in the middle of closing on a house when this new back pain of hers started to get debilitating. So Mike became her husband and she is now getting the kind of medical attention she needs. Granted, their impromptu marriage seriously screwed with their house closing, but now they are finally in and everything is well. Including my mother. It's nice to see her happy again. Plus, it's funny to watch Gypsy run through their new extremely dated house and stare at the outdated orange carpet and 1950s panelling and feel like I really am taking Gypsy to "Grandma's House." You should hear the doorbell. It's soooo Leave it to Beaver. Hell, last night we found the original warranty and user's manual for the awesome 1950s Nutone gas stove. I liked to died when I actually read in print on the front, "More women use Nutone to bake than any other brand!" Hahahahahahaaaaaaaa... If I'd been alive during the fifties, my loud feminist ass so would've been extradited to France.

We've worked so hard to fix things. We've scrimped and still been unable to save. We've lived hand to mouth for years now. But we thought we were doing well. We thought we might have a chance. So we finally took the risk and contacted someone and tried to see if we could get a home loan for a great house that we really wanted. No deal. We still have too many outstanding debts, too many things that need to be paid perfectly and on time. Still, I really wanted to move. I really wanted Gypsy to have a yard. I really wanted the cats to have real windowsills to sit on in the wintertime. I wanted to have keys that fit in my own front door when I walked straight in from the driveway, not a hundred keys that fit various locks on various buildings and stickers for various parking spaces that are never close to where you sleep at night.

I'm just a little crushed. But I promised I wouldn't be upset, that I just wanted to know, that even if it were bad I would take it all in stride. I would be okay. I'm not, but on I go. Left foot, right foot, onward, onward... so when did moving forward become so hard?

J. left his work at 4:30. It is now 8:30 and he is still nearly ten miles away. He's been driving a stick shift on the highway going no more than 2 miles an hour for the past four hours.

Level 1 Snow Emergency, boys and girls. Isn't this fun?

I start my new job tomorrow. *sigh*

Wish me luck.

I made it. My back was killing me when I got home, and from what? Sitting in a chair at a conference table for 9 straight hours, watching the most hilarious training videos on diversity and harassment and signing 1578493 different documents. We even ate lunch at our seats people. Insane. And yet, we're still not even done with the whole orientation process. Tomorrow we spend nearly 5 more hours discussing safety procedures and security. Not to mention the fact that I had five of my fingerprints and my retina scanned today already. There is also a procedure that requires any non-employees entering the parking lot to have verified confirmation that you know who they are and that they have permission to be there in the first place. We were told a story about a tow truck that was coming into the parking lot to repo someone's car and security chased them out and forced them to leave because it was private property. Also? More cameras and surveillance equipment than a Vegas casino. Good God. You'd think I was working for the Gestapo, not a pharmaceutical company.

As a sidenote: Gypsy made it too. No accidents, nothing destroyed.
Day 1 down. Only an indeterminent number of days to go....

I can't wait until these two weeks of training are over and I get my actual schedule with short Wednesdays. I need my beagle snuggle time in front of bad tv... and I fear for the day when Gypsy realizes this is no longer a fluke and starts to eye the Christmas tree.

Half way into Day 2, I sat down, ate my lunch, called J. and then promptly walked into Human Resources and quit my job.

Please don't judge me. Sometimes even though things seem so unbelievably perfect, they're still not right for you. Don't believe me? Ask J., as I sat in the parking lot crying on his shoulder for the next three hours and calling myself a "stupid dumbass" over and over again. It's not like this was easy. It's not like it doesn't suck.

Still, I can't justify driving so far for so little. I was lied to in the interview and I know that I wouldn't have taken it had I known some of these things. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel like a colossal dumbass right now for turning down a job that had amazing benefits. And that's really all I have to say about that.

Bet you didn't expect this one, but lo and behold, the photoblog has been updated - and with some yummy Holiday goodness no less. Hoorah!

(And in other news, I'm doing much better. Life's too short. Apply for something else, know that you can do better, know that it will happen and then just sail on.)

A haiku (or a few) if you will:

National Lampoon's
Should really make a movie
"Wedding Bells of Doom"

I'd pay to see it
Right after I pay for mine
Why must family come?

We could save thousands
If they would just stay at home
And not eat pork loin

How can we buy food
For one hundred bitchy mouths
When we live on rice?

I have a job interview tomorrow (Thursday) at 3pm with a company that I would really like to work for. The commute would be awesome, the pay would be great and I really support what this place is doing and would love to be a part of it.

Good mojo, pleeeeeeease???

Thanks to all of you for the good mojo. The interview went okay, I suppose. It's weird how sometimes the HR person that calls you and sets it up can be so professional and then the actual interview is so seat-of-the-pants and overtly casual that you're left wondering, "I bought a new shirt for this?". I was emailed this insane itinerary that said I would be in there for a minimum of one hour and I was in and out in less then twenty minutes - and that included a tour of the facility. Seriously, at one point I think they were desperate for questions because at the age of 28, I got this: "Ummm... so did you play any sports in high school?" Whaaaa? I understand the whole 'teamwork' and 'extracurricular activities' thing, but seriously, high school? Is the fact that I played flute in band really going to land me this job? *sigh* Whatever. It's a very cool company that does some really amazing work, but again, it's one of only a few in the world that actually does this work so I'm not going to go into specifics or names for fear of search engines. But let's just say that a generic job description would be 'lab technician in the field of stem cell research/preservation.' Of course, I wouldn't actually be doing any of the actual research, more like standing in one station and doing the same thing 100 times a day. But hey, if the pay is good, then I'll take it. The commute is something like 15-20 minutes and we're so far behind on planning our wedding that at this point, I'm just kicking myself for not having taken something back in October instead of holding out to find that "really good job." Grrrr... why must weddings be so damned expensive and have to be planned so damn far in advance? Insanity, this thing. Even more insane when you are powerless to make any plans or control any to-do lists because of the same stumbling block: lack of funds.

Digressing, yes. But that's my specialty. Supposedly they will make a decision by the first week of January, so we'll see. In the meantime, I'll not stop looking. I need a job in a bad way. This whole 'we never have enough to pay our bills on time, much less have any fun' thing is getting damned old. And honestly, I graduated in May. I thought I'd at least have something decent by now. Doesn't my degree mean anything? I worked so hard for it and now, "You don't have a master's? Oh." Grrrrr....

Tomorrow is gearing up to be a busy day. I have to finish up some homemade gifts (two dog beds and a batch of chocolate covered cherries), finish our insane amount of laundry, bathe the dog, wrap some presents and get ourselves ready to head home to Eastern Kentucky either Friday night or Saturday morning. And since J. is sick again, I'll be bearing most of the burden myself I think. He's so spaced out and congested that he should really just stay in bed anyway. You can see I have no patience with sickness in the midst of holiday season. I think that I've just taken care of so many animals and drama queens family members so much lately that I have no patience left with anyone today.

Though really the whole nervous twitching/lack of patience thing that I'm experiencing right now is probably due to caffeine. I drink lots of iced tea and sometime last spring, we switched to decaf just because it was keeping me up so much at night. However, when we go out to eat somewhere I'll often order iced tea and not even realize that it's caffeinated. So when they keep filling my glass I won't even think about it. Because hey, it's not carbonated, so I can drink all I want, right? (See 100 Things, numbers 6 and 7.) Well... wrong. My body has acclimated to the caffeine-free thing so much that when we went to Skyline tonight and I had two glasses of iced tea, I came home shaking and nauseous. This was sometime around 8pm. It is now 2:45am and I'm still jittery as a junebug. And people wonder why I've never done drugs. Hell, Sudafed makes me insane. Cocaine would probably make me explode.

Then again, maybe all I need is some sleep. I haven't tried that yet.

Happy Holidays to all of you. Hope you're weekend is restful, happy and nice. :-)

This year we had to make everyone's presents. It was a family agreement that we made last year when everyone was getting sewing machines, table saws, and other various snazzy machinery for Christmas.

So what do you get make for your mother's spoiled chihuahua that has everything, including her own pink fur coat? Well, her own pink sparkly dog bed of course. And another one for more practical purposes made from the most girly fabric imaginable.

Also, J. drew my dad's name this year, so of course he had to come up with something really good. Knowing that my dad is a serious gearhead and machinery guy, we came up with the idea of a chess set (because my dad and I used to play chess all the time) and then J. went wild with it. He used a piece of scrap sheet metal for the base, painted it and then used a mixture of car parts and mechanical equipment from his work to make the pieces. Personally, I think it rocks. I especially love the knights. I mean really, how cool is this? It's so sci-fi Dark Side that I love it. I can't wait to see the look on Dad's face when he opens it and realizes what all the parts are. Hee, hee...

And on that note, we're off to celebrate Christmas at my mom's and enjoy some good Mexican food beforehand. So if I don't get to update before we return on Monday, have a great holiday everyone. And leave some good cookies for Santa. Trust me, he's earned them. ;-)

I feel weird writing about Christmas, as it's not over for us yet. We will be celebrating our holiday to each other Thursday or Friday night (because it comes after payday). Then on Saturday morning, we're headed to Detroit for a New Year's Eve party with old friends. Then Sunday morning, we're driving from Detroit to Northwestern Michigan to visit J.'s family for the holidays. Then on Tuesday the 3rd, we're driving the ten hours back home here to Cincinnati.

Yes, our sleigh is still flying and it is seriously tired. I think we should just start putting a small tree in the car and decorate it with gas station swag while we're cruising through the endless cornfields and truck stop porn shops of Ohio.
Yes, sirree, no snuggly Christmas Eve's at home for us. We spend our holidays on the road.

You see now why I want that damned iPod.

Our computer just went insane and wiped off my camera's entire memory card. Not in the recycle bin, not on the hard drive, not on the card, just vanished into thin air. Every single picture I've taken since December 1st, every single photo of Christmas with my mom, with my family in Eastern Kentucky, every single photo of us making our presents, of everyone receiving the presents we made for them, of all of our decorations this year, over 400 photographs of our holiday thus far -- all gone.

It wouldn't bother me so damned much if my memory were worth a shit. I can't remember anything without the pictures to remind me anymore. I'm trying so hard not to cry because they're just pictures, but dammit, they're my memories and that's what makes it suck so bad. Crap, crap, crap.

I stole this from Laura just because I liked it, as it's not the typical year end meme that asks you the same question over and over again and expects a different answer. Enjoy...

January

1. Did you have a new year’s resolution this year?
I don't really make resolutions, just a few goals. Then I open myself up to the new year and wait for the possibilities to unfold.

First thing in the morning (Saturday) we begin our trek to various parts of Michigan to celebrate various holidays with various family members and acquaintances. Except this time, for the first time, we're taking Gypsy with us. For an entire 10 hour drive. Please send us all the good vibes you can. I've already got the benadryl. Now I just need good doggy luck... and the patience not to kill her when she makes us stop at every single rest stop just so she can drag us into the woods for nothing. In the rain.

Yes, keep those good travel vibes coming. Pleeeease?