Burlap Soul

On Halloween I won a costume contest at work. I have to say that for pulling it together in literally ten minutes or less, I was rather proud of it. You can see all the pictures over here.

I want desperately to create some art, but finding the time is incredibly hard for me lately. I miss losing myself in Photoshop or a dark room for hours and coming away with that bleary-eyed but incredibly satisfied feeling of knowing that I have worked hard and perservered and created something good.

There is talk of one of us going for a master's degree. J. has the best chance, as he had the best grades and didn't burn all of his bridges at his alma mater (like me). However, there is also talk of me going back and finishing the last year of credits that I would need to have my bachelor's degree in art. I can't guarantee that that would make me happy or that I want to go back to the college life that I grew to hate, but I also can't deny that I wasn't my absolute happiest when I was putting my all into a photo project and freeing my muse. Much happier than I ever was doing a paper or a research project for a psychology class. Right now it is only talk, as we have debts, college loans, a wedding to plan, a house to hope for. All talk. But still, the feeling of newness and hope it has instilled in me makes me wonder if I haven't just answered my own questions.

I decided it was time for some Gratuitous Beagling. I knew you'd agree.

First, a teaser:

I made some art tonight. I'm too tired to explain it or go into any elaborate detail.

It just is what it is.

Good night, everyone. May you have blissfully sweet dreams.

I realize I'm not posting much lately. It's not for lack of material or lack of want, but rather I'm just so burned out on the maintenance of the damn thing and being unable to blog before deleting over 1000 spams. It's just tiring. I'm not quitting or anything like that. I love my little outlet too much. I'm just sort of in a holding pattern until A) we get a new computer that was made in this decade or B) I get an updated blog that has a better spam filter and is easier to navigate or C) all of the above. I was planning to do that sooner, but seeing as how our wedding costs are impending and I am consistenly not getting paid what I am worth, it's just become one of those Back Burner Issues.

In the meantime, I have to say I am glad this week is over. I would also like to add that cell phones, for as convenient as they are, are the modern day leash. I love my mother and I understand that she is going through a difficult time, but I get really sick of having a gargantuan phone bill every time she is either A) bored B) stressed C) sad D) falling apart. I have also had it with people that decide their issues should be my problem. Really, I'm just fucking sick of it.

However, I did get a call on this same cell phone yesterday saying that my wedding dress is in and waiting for me a month early. Now if only I didn't have to pay for it, I'd be wonderful. It's not expensive, it's just well... a month early. Add to that the fact that I am feeling incredibly gross and overweight lately and there you have my dilemma. Everywhere something beautiful being turned into something hideous, gross and generally scary and unpleasant. Welcome to the past week. Welcome to Negativity Land.

I could go into all the details of why I am feeling smacked over the head with everyone else's crap lately, but instead I woke up early and made some art. I've always sucked at drawing people and faces, but I still think it says everything quite well. Not to mention the fact that I got to create it while sharing the morning sunbeam with my little blackbird.

Happy Saturday everyone. Smile, take a picture, enjoy it. Hopes and dreams mean nothing unless you decide to act on them. What you have now is really all you've got.

Like the new look? Ha, ha, haaaaa.... See, some people would say "Uh, what look?" but what you don't realize is that what you are seeing is my new wonderfully beautiful sparkly pristine Clean Slate.

And best of all? I didn't have to lift a finger. The ever-so-wonderful and amazing Solonor did all this just for me out of the kindness of his heart. I didn't ask, he just offered. Which if you ask me, that makes him a brilliant new god in my world. (But he wouldn't be one of those weird spiteful gods that goes all crazy on you if you look at him wrong or something, but more one of those laid-back cool fun-loving yet practical gods that just likes to help people because he can. Well, you know, now that I think of it, if there had been more gods like Solonor, there probably wouldn't have been all those Trojan wars and stuff either. So hey, Solonor as god = less war! Or um, something like that... Vote for Solly!)

My point was that this feels like a nice new start for me, just in time for the holidays. So even though I've thanked him profusely via email, allow me to thank him again here in my new pretty pristine space. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Solonor!! I feel like I just drove off the lot with only 2.1 miles on my odometer. I love this New Blog Smell! :-)

The bags are packed, the car is loaded, the dog is fed and we are getting ready to head to Eastern Kentucky for the holiday. Have a good one everyone and be nice to the turkeys for a few moments - just for me. Or just stuff your face with mashed potatoes and say you're doing it in my honor. That's my general rule of thumb. ;-)

We're home, we're stuffed, we're tired, we're back in reality. Everything was quite fun, lots of laughing and getting to just sit with people instead of constantly trying to shout over the loud people.

The Save the Dates went out this weekend. People are calling us, emailing us, asking us questions, sending us RSVPs. Good God, this is so freaky. We're now one of those couples that could "call the whole thing off" and actually create chaos because everyone knows. Weird, weird, weird. This has been how many years in the making? And still we are surprised that everyone is actually excited and wanting to come. So very, very odd.

I picked up my wedding dress today. It is now hanging in my mom's closet awaiting it's time at the seamstress when she returns from her holiday vacation in January.

How unreal is this? Every day that a wedding thing gets put on the list and then actually gets completed and is done is another day that I am stupified and standing here in shock. There is a real wedding going on here and we are getting it done. After nearly seven years of being together and being unable to even pay our grocery bill, we are actually finally getting the wedding that we not only wanted, but also planned. How the hell did this actually happen? And who authorized all of this madness?

Oh, that's right. It was me. *happy dance* ;-)